To Pursue or Not to Pursue a Guy You Like?

2d2090a28b2464b4e3d455a18834f547“If you’re a girl who likes your guy friend, is it okay to pursue him and let him know you like him?”

The question shone on our computer from stage. The room was dark, with hot lights shining on Jeff and me. My hand grasped my bible a little closer to my chest.

Ah, yes.

Oh how I remember those days (they weren’t that long ago!) of liking a guy so much my body ached. But the hardest part was that they were clueless. Or maybe they weren’t clueless, but simply weren’t interested in me? How many times I was tempted to ask them to coffee and quietly explain how much I liked them. How many hours I spent trying to analyze him and our friendship. How many times I prayed about the situation, gave my heart and desires to the Lord, prayed for that guy, and hoped that he would see me, want me, come after me.

Yes, I remember those times vividly. What do you do when you like a guy and want it to be known…So desperately?

Thankfully Jeff started answering the question first as I gathered my thoughts and let the Lord calm my nerves.

“Let me first say this ladies: if you pursue the guy first, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life if you do get married. The guy will play the lazy card, and gladly let you take the reigns—forever. And you’ll be miserable. You’ll have to initiate everything else from here on out. But let me add this: You shouldn’t pursue him, no. But you can get in his way. Get in his way so that he sees you and has to run you over. He has to face you and knows you’re there. What does that look like practically? Maybe it means being at his games, going to bible studies that he’s involved in, sitting next to him in class, etc.”

Wise man.

As I thought about what to add, the Lord reminded me of 1 Peter 3:4,

“but let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

A gentle and quiet spirit. That doesn’t mean that we have to be quiet little church mice! God loves exuberant, outgoing ladies just as much as the soft spoken ones! What it does mean is that we as women trust the Lord. It means that we so trust in, believe in, hide ourselves in Him that we don’t try to take matters into our own hands and take control. As women that’s really hard because one of the things we struggle with most is taking control. But we are commanded throughout scripture not to, and we don’t need to. We have Jesus as our advocate, the Father as our shield and the One we can hide in. He is trustworthy.

What it comes down to is this,

Do we really believe that He is in control? That He is able?

Do we really believe that if it’s God’s best, He can and will move in that guy’s heart to see us, and go after us?

Proverbs 21:1 tells us that the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord- that the Lord directs it wherever He chooses. If the king’s heart is in our Father’s hands, then most certainly that guy that we are crushing on is in His hands as well.

Ladies, God is able. God is in control.

Praise Jesus, then, that we can rest in Him. We can run to JESUS. We can tell him our deep desires, lay our hearts at His feet, and trust that He will work it out for His glory and our best.

Yes, put yourself in his way! Be available, be present. But check your heart. Do you believe in HIM? The One who knows every nook and cranny of your heart and is intricately and intimately working out His plan for you, dear one?

 “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will act.” || Psalm 37:5 ESV



  1. You know when God has been telling you something for a very long time? Whispering it to you in quiet time, and trying to reveal it not as subtly in events?
    But then you read something that you know is articulated confirmation of what He has been trying to teach you. *sigh*
    Well thank you for sharing this! My heart is encouraged- God is so good!

  2. I’ve just been watching some of the videos of you and Jeff on his channel, and was led here.

    Perfect timing to read this. There is a guy who I have been interested in for a year and a half now, and I have intended to broach the subject with him, but I have never found that it has been the right time. Something in me has always felt to wait. I will be seeing him tomorrow and I was thinking seriously about bringing it up then, but this is like a slap in the face from God, saying “No, keep waiting!”. Funnily enough, the last time I had planned to tell him, I was with him and another friend and we were talking about relationships, and he told us about how he thought God had given him the gift of singleness, but over that month those thoughts had been completely flipped. To cut a long story short, God seems to be moving both of us forward in Him and in our perception of relationships and marriage. Both of us have a couple of years of study to finish and careers to start, so it makes sense that it is not the right time. Regardless of whether we are meant for each other or not, I will continue to keep praying and believing that God knows what He is doing and will lead us both in whatever direction is right!

    Thank you for your posts!

  3. I couldn’t agree with Beth more
    Gods whispers are so romantic sometimes especially when answering an personal prayer

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