Q&A on Dating and Relationships

My creative (& extremely handsome) husband and I did a Q & A last night answering a handful of dating and relationship questions. I was laughing at myself before we started because I was soooo nervous! I mean, we’re talking pitted out arms, butterflies in my stomach and a few moments where my brain froze. Oh man. But it was so fun to be able to share a little about what we have learned over the years through the word, wise mentors, and our own experiences. We certainly do not have all of the answers, or know it all (can I get an amen!?) but I pray that it can be used to uplift and encourage your hearts. Here’s the link if you missed it last night.


In lieu of February being the love month, my goal is to post topics relating to love. Personal stories. Lessons. Pinterest fun. So stay tuned and if you have any topics you’d like to talk about, please let me know! Love you ladies!

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13 comments

  1. Hi Alyssa

    Loved the video. Could you please post/ share something about boundaries in courtship. You spoke about having an accountability group/ person (in your case, your mum) and going out in groups.

    what about in terms of kissing/ not?

    Thanks so much for all you share.
    Look forward to hearing back x

  2. Thank you so much for doing this! I really enjoyed hearing your answers to these questions. I am currently single but am looking forward to a God-scripted dating relationship/marriage someday. 🙂 I am thankful to have you and Jeff as an example of what a Godly couple looks like.

  3. You guys are so cute and such a power team for Christ! My husband and I kept ourselves pure before marriage, and we are in our 40s. We are second and lifetime spouses to each other. For me, it was not hard to not have sex because I knew how unfullfilling casual sex really is and I know humans are not built for that! However, I do think it is harder to remain pure as a man, especially when they are a virgin. It is easier for the woman because we are supposed to say no and control the pace of the relationship (it is socially expected of us). Whereas sadly, this is not true for men. I know Jeff was not a virgin prior to your marriage; however, what advice do you specifically have for men who are virgins and how to stand up to a culture that tells them they are weird or something is wrong with them if they don’t try to get into every girl’s pants. Also, how do you explain to your secular friends without using Christianese that sex outside a marriage is corrupting and ultimately harmful? I have seen several young men not withstand temptation because their friends were encouraging them to do wrong. They wanted to stay pure for Christ but caved. I have a heart for purity in young people because I feel like I got jipped when I was younger. I was fed a pack of lies by society that happiness is achieved through sexual freedom. The devil is still using that lie today more than ever with this generation, and it breaks my heart to see it. I love your metaphor on the kiddy pool and the Olympic size pool. It is a good starting point but it doesn’t seem like enough to sway non-Christians opinions. Has it worked on any of your friends? Purity prior to marriage is such a hard sell. I am so impressed that you guys openly discuss this. Thanks for inviting us into your life and standing for God’s Word amongst all the haters out there! 🙂

  4. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I’m encouraged by you.

  5. I really appreciate you guys!! God bless and I can’t wait to keep learning about God through your ministering. I see see how He is using you to remind me the little things He is teaching me each day. I really appreciate Alyssa, you’re so sweet and wow! I hope to keep learning from you guys. thank-you guys!

  6. Hi Alyssa! I loved this and love following you and your hubby! I have just recently started a blog and have got engaged to my high school sweetheart and I love the honesty you and Jeff share, it is so encouraging and inspiring!

    Samantha 🙂

  7. Hey Alyssa!
    I just love watching & reading what you & Jeff have to say. You two are such beautiful people of God & your videos & blogs are always so uplifting to me.

    From what I understand, Jeff had previous sexual relationships before you two started dating & got married. Despite the fact that his heart was changed from that previous person, did you ever struggle with his past? If so, how did you handle that situation?

    Did you ever think that it took away from how special & intimate it would be when that time came for the two of you?

    Thank you for your advice & God bless you both in your walks with Christ.

    -Danielle

    1. I would love to see this question answered as well. 🙂

  8. Hi Alyssa 🙂 I enjoyed this video a lot. Great insight! I would love to hear the start to present of your and Jeff’s love story! 🙂

  9. Hi Alyssa!
    Thank you so much for making this video! I am newly engaged and this answered a lot of questions me and my fiance’ have had throughout our relationship. I am so thankful I found a man who truly seeks God, it is such a blessing!

    You and Jeff are such inspirations to us! Looking forward to another one of these soon!
    -Katrina

  10. Hi Alyssa, that video is so helpful. Thank you!
    However, there has always been a question on my heart ever since a young(er) age -since I’m only 16 now- whether it’s ok to desire a relationship? I’ve always doubted that it is as I’m worried that if I desire a relationship with a guy then I’m clearly not satisfied with Jesus and I’m worried it will take my eyes off Jesus. What do you think? Also how old do you have to be for it to be wise to be in a serious relationship? Because personally I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone if I couldn’t possibly see myself marrying them, however it seems unlikely that I’ll find that man at 16! However if I like a christian guy (as I currently do) and he might like me back (which I hope he does!), should I not be in a relationship with him because it’s unlikely to lead to marriage?
    Sorry for all the questions. Have a lovely Valentine’s day with your wonderful husband!
    Lots of love, Lucy.

    1. Lucy, you sound like a great girl. 🙂 I’m 16 also, and I so deeply desire a godly marriage with all my heart. With that being said, it is absolutely okay to desire a relationship! Healthy desires are of God, as he creates our hearts and knows exactly what it is that we are going to struggle with, personally. Psalm 37:4 is perfect, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I know this is a widely controversial scripture, however I believe that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, the desires that He has FOR US will become the desires we have for ourselves, and He wants nothing more than to shower His faithful children with blessings as long as our hearts and eyes are set on Him. When we desire to do things that bring HIM the glory and not anyone else, I believe that pleases Him the most. If you are desiring a glorifying relationship that is healthy and reflective of Jesus’ love for the Church, you are just fine. My best advice to you is to continue seeking after the Lord’s heart as opposed to seeking a relationship. Let the man pursue you and capture your heart. If you are the one to pursue, it will lead to heart break and a very dissatisfying relationship/marriage. And if your crush likes you back enough to pursue you, he will do what he needs to to captivate your heart. 🙂 As for your age question, I don’t necessarily advocate for 12, 13, 14 year old relationships, however I wouldn’t pin an age to a serious relationship either. I think one is ready to be serious with another when he/she understands what it means to actually BE in a relationship- to honor the other, to respect and love the other, to be able to communicate how you each feel and to be able to work through those issues while not compromising standards, and commonly, teenagers/young adults don’t understand what it means to do these things with another person as it is a mature process. Know yourself and where you feel you need to be before you can pour into another person. For me personally, I know that as much as I desire a relationship, I simply do not need to add another person to my heart right now. And when the time comes that you’re ready to invest in someone, be sure that you date for a mate! Dating has the intention of marriage and marriage alone, which I feel you understand. 😉 We teen ladies just need to live our young lives in search of Jesus alone and trust that He has the best interest for our hearts. I hope that answers some of your questions!!

  11. “she said omg i love alyssa’s post on singleness.”
    “… she didn’t say omg?”

    hahaha!

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