Yesterday morning I woke up, ready to hit the ground running and check things off on my to-do list.
First things first, I needed to book the hotel and buy our plane tickets to my best friend’s wedding. I had been researching and working out all the details the past few weeks, but now I needed to do the booking.
I called up the hotel to book our room, trying to get a discount. (Hey, it’s worth a shot! Whatever I can do to save a few bucks here and there.) When I mentioned to the concierge on the phone that my dad has a discount at the hotel, he asked if my dad was staying with us.
“Then absolutely not.” He said with disbelief. I asked another question and he rudely replied.
“Alright, I’ll just book online then.”
I hung up. I could feel my cheeks heat up. Even through the phone I was embarrassed!
“I’ll just book our flights this morning. At least I can do one thing.”
I researched flights for the next 30 minutes or so. I asked Jeff about the times.
Click. Click. Click. DONE.
Yay! I did it.
(This was only the second time I’d ever booked a flight before. I know, I know. Time to put my big girl shoes on!)
Jeff sat next to me and clicked away to make sure we had good seats on the plane. I sat there feeling quite accomplished.
Then he stopped. He was quiet.
“What’s wrong babe?”
“Alyssa. This is 12:55am Friday morning, not Saturday morning. I get in at 6am Friday…I need to be somewhere Friday night.”
My stomach dropped. I suddenly saw my mistake. Oh no.
I frantically got on the phone to change the flight. Thankfully I was able to do so without the extra $150 changing fee. The new flight was more money, but I was sure thankful I could change it.
But still. Two fails in a row? (Can you tell I don’t do Jeff’s booking!?)
I know those two mistakes are so minor. Come tomorrow, I won’t even think of them. But in that moment, well for the next hour or so, I felt frustrated and upset. It was as if a wave of failure washed over me, caught me up in its white foam, and then spit me out on the sand.
I knew in my mind it wasn’t a big deal. Life goes on.
Okay, so the guy at the hotel thought I was an idiot.
And the timing of the flight isn’t ideal.
…And we ended up spending an extra $200 on airfare (ouch).
Then why did I feel so bummed, like I couldn’t do anything right? I have to admit, a few tears were spent. Jeff wrapped me in his arms and said it was okay. He prayed for me, reassured me that he loved me, and most of all that our Heavenly Papa loves me.
I think I’m still working this out a bit in my heart. But here’s the truth—I am messy. Not perfect. (Obviously) I’ll make mistakes. Big ones, small ones- in between ones. Silly mistakes. Mistakes that if I had just looked a little closer, I would have caught.
But that’s okay. I’m learning. Growing. In process. Not a failure—but a learner. Learning to give thanks. Learning to laugh at myself. Learning to do common adult things that I don’t have down yet. (Will I ever!?)
And learning that I’m covered with His grace. When I mess up, He comes near and wraps me in His arms. He whispers to me of how He loves me. Of how it’s going to be okay.
Beloved, be encouraged today. You are in His arms. Listen for His voice—His sweet whispers of how He loves you, how He cares for you.
I just wanted to express to you how encouraging this post is for me. I let little things just like that get to me all the time. Even though they are so small , my anxiety increases and I feel like I will never be a functioning grown-up. As much as I try to reassure myself that life will go on and I will have forgotten about the mistakes tomorrow it is just so helpful to see that I am not alone. I feel so silly sometimes in situations like these and that I’m the only person who gets upset over “spilt milk”. Thank you again for all you and Jeff do and how you both spread the light.
God Bless you both,