Freefall to Fly

“The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.” 

{Ps. 145:14}

Psalm 145 is one of my favorites. A beautiful song of praise to our faithful and powerful God. It exalts our Savior who is intimate with His children and who comes to our rescue. I highlighted this verse a few years ago, seeing the importance of humbling myself before the LORD. However, as I read it this past week, and then re-read it several times, I stopped on the first part of the verse. “The Lord upholds those who are falling…” Those who are falling. Falling. Tumbling down. Not perfect. Don’t have it all together. Messy.

The Lord upholds them. He upholds the messy ones. He holds on to those who are down. Who are in despair. Who are struggling. He is mighty. He is powerful. He is the Savior. Not us. He is the Rescuer. Not us. He is the one who holds on.

The past three weeks I felt as though I was falling. My emotions were all out of whack. I was disheartened. Sad. Discouraged. Not feeling well. Frustrated. I’m not totally sure why. I know I wasn’t feeling well, and I wasn’t guarding my thoughts. I took my eyes off of Jesus and placed them on myself and my circumstances. I chose myself instead of Jesus. I didn’t giving thanks. Didn’t trust Jesus. Didn’t hope in Him. I tried to hold on, only to give up. Surrender. Realizing I need Him so desperately. Falling at His feet. Crying out for Him. Letting Him take hold of me and hold me up. Jesus. My Savior.

How beautiful is a heart that surrenders. A heart that trusts in Jesus. That let’s go and reaches out for His hand—His hand that was outstretched this whole time. Not that I’m all cleaned up and rarin’ to go. I’m still messy. Still in need of Jesus. Still being worked out- through the Spirit. Still processing. But here’s the beauty in it—He’s with me. He’s close. He’s near. He’s walking with me, hand in hand. So even if my circumstances may seem difficult at times–if i feel overwhelmed, alone or anxious, I can still have peace because God is my God. God is a God of peace. He is a God of strength and help.

Beloved, do you ever feel as though you’re freefalling? As though you just keep tripping, and falling and you can’t get up on your own?

I just finished reading “Freefall to Fly” by Rebekah Lyons. I couldn’t put it down. In this book Rebekah candidly shares her free-fall. She opens wide her heart and intimately invites you in to hear her story, of how she fell—but that allowed her to truly surrender and be set free by Jesus, the one who holds us up. Moving to Manhattan with a family of three kids, a husband and two dogs, she went through a season of anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Crying out to Jesus, He rescued her, and set her life on a journey of meaning—using her God-given talents to make Him known. Not that it was easy, or overnight, but He proved faithful.

freefall-to-fly

This week I’m giving away two free books of “Freefall to Fly”! All you need to do is write a comment about your free-fall—and how you are still in it, or how the Lord came to your rescue and carried you through. Please include your email address with your comment. Have your comment in by Thursday night at 12 pm PST and I’ll announce the winners on Friday.

Whoo hoo!!! Free books! (The Bethke’s favorite!) Can’t wait to hear your stories ladies! Happy Monday!

{Also, if you buy her book on her site, you will get an original chalk art print by chalk artist, Dana Tanamachi, a $5 TOMS gift card, and a Freefall to Fly digital soundtrack. Swoon! Go to rebekahlyons.com/freefallbook to check it out!}

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84 comments

  1. My free-fall was chaotic, messy and heart breaking. My senior year in High School I ran away from the Lord because of deep wounds in my heart from my father and I felt like the Lord was holding out on me. I’m realizing now that I wasn’t the only one who was heart-broken, messy and in the middle of that chaos but that He entered in to my mess with me, offering Redemption the whole way.

    After a while the running stopped and I gave in to Mercy, but the wounds were still there. I went to Bible school for a few years and while I was there I started getting counseling from a godly, older woman. It has been one of the best decisions of my life thus far! So much healing burst forth during those meetings with her.

    I’m a full-time missionary in Thailand now, at the age of 22, because of the slowly but sure work of Grace in my life afterwards. I’m still learning the importance of all that He wants to teach me through my shortcomings and the havoc that sin causes in my life but even now, I can be thankful for them. I can be thankful for the way that they push me towards Him and the way that they highlight my ever-present need from Him.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing Courtney! So awesome to see God’s hand on you!

  2. Ha…so needed to read this today! I have been falling for quite some time…forgetting to seek Him, always trying to take control. Still falling, but some things have fallen into place. I was coming to the end of a seasonal job, knowing I needed to make a certain amount in order to make ends meet. I interviewed for a great position and was offered the job before the end of the day! That was a definite answered prayer. My daughter also got into Whitworth, her dream college…another answered prayer. Now, falling between jobs…needing to get rent paid along with other bills, but no income for almost a month before I start the new job. Praying like crazy, bruising my knees, waiting for the pieces to fall into place to just make ends meet. Continuing to seek Him is still something I am trying to remember in these rough times when it feels like life keeps kicking you when you are already down….

  3. Alyssa, I have felt the same recently. Trying my hardest to deal with a childhood abuse I went through years ago that is finally surfacing. This week is going to be challenging for me, I attend The Village church in Flower Mound and our pastor Matt Chandler will be speaking at a conference on abuse. I keep falling and not trusting The Lord with my life and I tend to want to control every outcome.

    1. Hi Sheila! So awesome you go to The Village! Jeff and I love that church, and listen to Matt Chandler a lot. I’m so thankful that the Lord is bringing that very painful topic up in your life. I know it’s not easy at all to dig through that-and may take a lot of time-but He does it to heal us. Hang in there. He is the Redeemer!

    2. Thanks for sharing! I was severely sexually and physically abused for the first 14 years of my life. It is very painful. But, you cannot even begin to heal until you face the memories as painful as it is. God can heal and restore you! Zephaniah 3:17! Much love and prayers your way. <3

  4. I try to rely on myself for everything, but I constantly try to remind myself that He was won and He is in control. Being a college student, I get so wrapped up in studying and my focus is taken away from Jesus. Sometimes I get so busy, discouraged and tired that I lose sight of the One who created me. But, He never fails to intercede and tell me His thoughts about me. It’s a journey, but I know He will carry me through.

  5. Hey, my name is Viki, come from Hungary, Europe.
    I’m 17 and received Jesus 3 years ago. I am the only Christian in the family, so I feel like that my life can be a quite nice freefall sometimes. I have been struggling for years now with loneliness and anxiety, and sometimes the fear of death conqueres my heart but… in recent months I feel like God is recovering me. I have hope. In the future family, husband, job. I might be insecure, but God could also use Jeremiah despite his melancholic feelings,so why cannot this work in my life too? My parents always thought me to look down, at my circumstances and act according to them. God has thought to lift my eyes and breath some fresh air full of hope, love, peace. He became my anchor, though I am so unfaithful sometimes…maybe in every minute.
    Mine is not a really big story, yet. But in few years time.. I know God will reveal himself in my family. So I am not very special or anything, I just let Jesus move to my life. The rest is upon him, luckily.

  6. This hits close to home because, up until about a month ago, I felt like I was falling, not just tripping over something and could get right back up, but falling. Hard. Flat on my face on a hot, black street. My marriage was in shambles, I struggled for security and safety and support from my husband, and my attitude towards him was the exact thing that was holing him back from being the wonderful husband an father to our children that he has been called to be. With the help of everyone and everything that God has put into my path: Diving into the word, uprooting our family and taking a leap of faith out of a very toxic situation, listening to God’s voice through pastor Steven Furtick’s elevation church sermon archives, proverbs 31 ministries, Jeff’s and your blog posts, videos etc and a brand new church that God brought us to, I can finally see the big picture of how selfish I have been and how blessed we truly are as a couple desiring to live for Christ. He allows us to fall in order to see that we can’t do it without him! I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because I have to go through what I have to I through to relate to someone in the same situation as me later on! Thank you so much for your always encouraging words, your “real-ness” and praise God we don’t have to be perfect!!!

    1. Thank you for sharing Mariah! Praise the Lord for His work in you 🙂

  7. I am currently in a free fall. I quit my job and moved back home in November of last year. Since then I have struggled to stay connected, fought depression and often wanted to give up. There have been moments where I’ve reached for Jesus and, like you said, He’s right there waiting. But then I’m back in the mess, and I’m trying to get out of this current funk. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re falling. And I know what it’s like to know that Jesus has caught me.

  8. Thank you for sharing this. For weeks I’ve been struggling, constantly finding myself in a wreck. I will crawl into His arms for His assurance and comfort. And He never stops answering my prayers and your blog posts are one of them. Once again, He keeps reassuring me about His love, grace, and mercy that has never left me, especially during the times I screw up. Thank you for blessing me through your posts.

    Sending the Bethke’s many love from Malaysia.

  9. Eight years the husband and I just could not get our relationship right. He had never came to God and I have always been in and out with God. I always looked for Him when I needed Him and then I went back to focus on this worldly earth. Finally the husband left me and our son. We were separated for a year and at the end before he deployed he came back. I took him in and instantly we fell right back to the old stuff. I lost it. I had a mental breakdown and finally a random day I was at church not wanting to be there and God came to me. I fell to my knees in tears of pain and loss. I was hurting so much and I knew I didn’t want it anymore. That instant I cried out, “I don’t want this, I don’t want to deal with any of this any longer. You have it! You take all this! It’s your problem now God. I’m giving it all to you.” Tears running down my face I was over comed with joy suddenly. I was emptied of me. I felt this lightness. I felt Jesus with me. He heard me and he was loving me. He had loved me this whole time and just wanted me to see Him. It’s been a crazy ride but God’s love for us all is truly amazing. The husband and I are together and more in love than ever. My husband gave his life to Christ and is now leading our family and our son. He is still deployed but God is working in us so greatly. JESUS loves us all. Our purpose here is to continue his work. Love all and share all of his name. I am thankful for Gods amazing love and grace.

    1. Thank you so much for your vulnerability Tanya. What a beautiful picture of surrender.

  10. I have a free-fall when I am consumed by chaos. If there is too much going on around me that is out of my control, I spiral. Only to find when I reach my limit, God is there to rise me up once again. It is something I have battled the last few years of my life, and is becoming easier to trust Him and keep my head above water. I still fall, and I am sure I will continue to fall here and there. All I can do is trust and obey.

  11. Hi Alyssa, I really needed to hear this today. The last two weeks I really got so depressed and felt so alone because of issues with my parents and just life in general. I gave in and had sex with a guy a few times. I feel even more empty than I did before, but somehow when I do this I don’t really feel guilty. I’ve been praying for God to convict me and make me feel guilty so I no longer want to run to that but instead will run to him where there is no guilt or shame. <3

  12. I’m the kind of girl that wants to jump off the cliff, trusting that God will give me the wings to fly. I don’t check to see if I have them yet, I know they’ll be there.
    Except, lately I have been too scared to even look over the edge. Responsibilty, fear, doubts holding me back. Here I cry out to my Lord, my glorious saviour for help, for guidance, here I find myself wanting to check behind me to see if I have wings.
    I know I am meant for more, I know I am capable of so much more, yet here I am, fighting with myself, because where I am is certain. Where is the girl who climbed on a bus into the great unknown because God was leading her into a new city, a city where she knew noone, but Jesus.
    My fall, too scared to look for that girl, frustrated with myself for my fears and doubts.
    Father reach out your hand, lead me out of my self-focused blindness! You are all I need!
    My life I surrender to you!
    I know why I cannot leap off the cliff, I’m too busy looking at me, and not at the cross! Time to change my focus! Time to making a running jump!

  13. Your messages really helped, so thank you very much 🙂

  14. I had just come home from a mission trip over seas. The transition coming home was a lot harder than I had anticipated. The reverse culture shock left me dazed and confused as to my purpose and if I was actually going in the right direction. After having an unpleasant experience with my previous home church’s board during a debriefing session, I became jaded with the church. It was then at the right time and wrong place I entered into a year of bad relationships, decisions and family health problems. There were many things i ended up doing that I never would have let myself do before. I left out Jesus and my friends. How did I end up feeling so lost and confused? I was working on my own strength. My own power. Which is nothing. I needed Jesus. I remember the moment I felt the Holy Spirit tug on my heart. The soft whisper of our savior. Calling me back to Him. I ran back. Bolted back! I remembered where I belonged. I entered into a much more deeper relationship in the Lord than I ever knew possible. Its been a few years since. I am still so in love with Him. I realize how I am desperate for Him daily. How I need to continue to die to myself daily as well. Not without His strength.

    Thanks Alyssa!! This is something I feel like a ton of my friends are struggling with right now. I was just talking with a friend about this right before I read this! Pray we take things to Jesus and community so the enemy doesn’t get a foothold!

  15. Hi Alyssa!
    Another great post, I recently struggled with being content in Christ. Even though, I’ve grown up Christian, Lord knows I needed to just find my rest i Him alone. This year has been quite a very trying year with so many challenges. God walked with me all along, guiding me and directing me. As He transformed my heart to be completely whole and satisfied in Him! I’m so grateful and overwhelmed! There’s so much more ahead and I’m really excited!

    I’m 4 weeks away from finishing my degree at the moment. All I really want to do is just rest because of how much of a journey this year has been, I’m literally crossing off the days and praying for God’s grace each day to bring this into completion.

    I know He is for me and with me so even though I usually would panicking at the thought of al the work that needs to be done His peace is so evident it’s unreal! So here’s my free fall and how I’m experiencing God’s grace, favour and peace in a whole new dimension 🙂

  16. My fall- For awhile I didn’t have that many friends because I was home schooled. Plus we moved around a lot. So when we finally settled down in a place, we looked for good church’s. We found a great one. Anyways at first I was totally in love with Jesus. I only went for the church services. But then I started to make friends and I didn’t care what the Pastor had to say..I only wanted to hang out with my friends and leave. That went on for awhile I barely heard any of the messages. But then it hit me, I realized that I wasn’t paying attention and I drifted away from God. I got to the point where I was just “playing Christian”. So I sat down a prayed. Since then I still go and hang out with my friends but I make a point to listen to the Pastor and learn. I still struggle with only wanting to hang out and not pay attention but I’m glad I turned my life around to get back in a relationship with Jesus! 🙂 Now I’m back to having a great relationship with the Lord. Though I may have days where I fall, I know he’ll pick me right back up! 🙂

  17. Alyssa!!!!
    You know whats crazy God has really started to break my chains and set me free this past week. I’ve always struggled with depression and feeling worthless. It comes and goes it has it seasons. 2 weeks ago was extremely hard. I was struggling with feeling like my life has no purpose, not really understanding why God hasn’t just taken me home yet. I know those are lies from the enemy but in the moment I felt like my world was crushing down!
    This past week I just started praying about everything. God truly has started a work in me. He showed me that I was finding my identity in my circumstances and not in Him. That brought me to truly check my heart. I now every morning on my way to work have to really surrender to Him and ask Him to help me find my identity in HIm and not my circumstances. I have to ask Him to help me guard my heart and my mind from the lies that I tend to believe. I can truly tell you since I have been surrendering daily and leaning on Him and looking to Christ instead of my circumstances I can face each day. I have joy and peace because I know HE is in control. My circumstances have not changed at all but where I put my hop in has!!

    -Sonya C

  18. I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Doubt, anxiety, and insecurity were the chains that wouldn’t let me go.

    After a difficult breakup, and even worse season in general, the depression tightened it’s grip on me. What was my reason for living? When I couldn’t see past the darkness that enveloped my heart? I was at my rock bottom.

    And then – Jesus.

    I cried out to God as my last hope. I didn’t know Him yet, but He sure knew me.

    Within two weeks, I was sitting in church for the first time since I was a young child. I heard the message of Hope. That Jesus loved me, and died so that I no longer had to endure everything that I was going through.

    I gave my life to him that day. And things have never been the same.

    Alyssa, thank you for your constant encouragement and wisdom. It’s amazing that the Lord has given you a platform to minister to and disciple thousands of young women. You are a blessing, sweet friend!

  19. I know my God knows me and He hears me. As I was reading this post Jesus told me “whoever told you..that you have to do this yourself child?” For so long I feel like in the pits of my darkest days where I feel like I have just failed everyone I come in contact to-I never remember to think of Jesus reaching out and helping me. Not leaving me alone to fend for myself. I never think that someone else is fighting this with me. I am still in this battle. In fact it was just yesterday that I attempted to do something that totally slapped The Lord in the face. I am so broken and in dire need of freedom. I want to be restored, renewed, healed, set free. When I saw at the end you were giving a book away, I instantly thought..”I need that book” not that I am seeking it to all the above because I know that is only through God’s word and through Him. But I feel as of God brought me here for this reason. He knows where I am. I am not lost..but I am broken. I saw your blog post on fb and it immediately caught me. I know God knows me..I would not have read this if He didn’t.

  20. I have been so uplifted in the past day. So I’ve had a firm faith in Jesus for the past few, but I’ve still never felt quite worthy or good enough. Always felt full of shame because of my past.
    I used to be addicted to self harm (before I became a Christian) and it’s left me with some pretty severe scars. Since becoming a Christian I have battled with self harm almost everyday, having to wrestle with myself to talk myself out of it.
    Last night, during worship at Hillsong, I felt loads of, what appeared to be random, patches on my body suddenly go hot. I ignored it until outside, and kept pressing into Jesus. When I got out, I found that my scars have faded to the point where they are almost invisible. I can’t tell you how incredible free I feel today, truly loved by God and caught up in amazing Grace!
    Thank you Alyssa, I related so much to your post today, I know that messed up, confused + discouraged feeling. And its certainly put a new spin on how I look at Pslam 145:14, Amazing! God is so good! Keep pressing in, He always has more!
    God Bless!

    1. Thanks Rachael! That’s incredible! Wow. Thanks for sharing so openly- girl, God has died for you and taken your pain, hurt and shame. It’s finished. It’s gone. Perhaps those scars are reminders of the past, but at the same time you can rejoice when you see them because you are reminded of God’s redeeming love and power. You are free. You are loved. You are cared for. You are new. He loves you so!
      “By His wounds, we are healed”.

  21. I read the intro on Amazon. The book looks amazing.

    Right now I am currently struggling with a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. But I know God is there through all this.

  22. My free-fall is currently going on, and has been for the last five months. I’ve been miserable because I’ve placed my happiness in other people’s hands, especially when it comes to love. I’ve been so busy with trying to make guys love me and hoping that they’ll want to be in a relationship with me, that I’ve forgotten that God is the one that I really need. But what I’ve realized now is that I’m not perfect. I will make mistakes and bad choices and say the wrong things. But that’s okay because when I fall, I’m caught in his grace. That’s the beauty with free-falling, we can fall right into Jesus’s arms.
    Guys are great. But Jesus is the lover of my soul. It’s His name I whisper when I pray at night, it’s His spirit that guides me through life. He is my love. So I’m fixing my eyes on Him, rather than on my circumstances, and trusting Him to catch me. And I know He will, because He never fails.

  23. I’m in the midst of falling. I am thankful for everything in my life at the same time the little nagging voice inside me tells me 24/7 of things that are wrong. My parents are not together, my dad acts more like a roommate than a dad, my mom is used to gossiping and forcing her views on others, my siblings aren’t very close to me right now, my close friends are different religions and no religious and sin, according to my religion, often, a lot of the times egging me to join in, and much more. One of the hardest things at this point in my life is my relationship with my ex boyfriend. When we met and started dating I was not religious, I grew up Christian and believed Jesus as our savior but never read the bible and didnt really know what was sin etc. My boyfriend and I fell in love, we got intimate, we began talking marriage and kids, and I told him I wanted to be with him forever. Then I asked what religion he wanted to raise his kids, he said Muslim…one sec, I’m very maternal and I want to raise my kids Christian. So I got a sinking feeling in my heart a few days later as I was watching tv and drinking a beer. I began thinking that Sulaiman, my boyfriend, may be going to hell, and even I may be going to hell, eternally separated from God, whom is love, and to never know love again. I immediately Began reaching out to my pastor and reading the bible. I got a bit distant from my boyfriend and as I researched more realized how much I had been sinning. I repented and asked for forgiveness, then prayed often for help to change my ways. Here’s where I’m at now, I’ve chosen to wait for marriage to have sex, I’ve chose to wait till I’m 21 to drink moderately, I’ve chose to stop smoking weed, and basically chose to commit myself to Jesus. I go to bible study and church every week and read the bible and books often. The thing is, I’m still in love with my boyfriend. He is my ex but we still are in a relationship at the same time, we just don’t tell others and we don’t say that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I am struggling to stay on my path with Jesus, I want to, it’s my hearts desire, but my heart is also still with Sulaiman. So this is a really really short version of my struggle of falling and I pray so often for God’s help through this.

    1. I’ve been there, with a non-Christian guy and I know how painful it was..but you have to break off your ties with this guy completely if you want to move on and grow in Christ. I thought I loved my ex deeply, even though he wasn’t a Christian and wasn’t happy without the sexual stuff. But I realised that by being with him and living in that sin & lust I was not living my life as a true testimony for others and we were dragging each other away from God and His pure love.

      I know it’s painful!! I have never wept so much when we had that messy breakup. But God is on your side in this. The best and most loving thing I can do now, and you can do for Sulaiman, is to pray for his salvation, but have no contact with him. The thing is the bible already tells us we can’t be yoked with them..because it is for our good and the good of our future families.

      1. Thank you Helen, It is so hard!

  24. I was not raised in a good environment. But alas, there are millions of people who weren’t and who didn’t have the best childhoods. Moving away to college was the obviously the first time I was TRULY set free to make ALL of my own decisions, and it didn’t work out at all like I had hoped. This past November I recommitted myself to the Lord and died to ALLLLL of my ways and the burdens of my past. It has been a wonderful journey so far, but the one falling point that I always come across is releasing my past completely. Basically, I started dating someone 2 months ago, and I have made it clear to him since day 1 that I am living for the Lord; however, with the habits of my past being not so very far in distance, he told me that the devil speaks to him sometimes in questioning my true Christian validity. Though things have been wonderful, and I continue to walk with the Lord and be in a supportive Christ-centered relationship, I always find myself being insecure about where I stand in his eyes, hoping that he sees my heart and who I truly am NOW with full confidence. I know that I have to choose to wake up and be a christian everyday and walking with the Lord is not always something of ease and comfort, but I know I have a relationship with the Lord forevermore, and he has changed me from the inside out, despite my ‘falling’ insecurities with how people around view that relationship.

  25. I know for myself, it is so easy to give my circumstances more power than they deserve. And recently my circumstances have been difficult. Last year, I lost my sweet brother, and I am still dealing with the pain of that loss even now. But the falling isn’t the problem. It’s where we fall that is most important. And I want to fall on Jesus.

    Love your blog, Alyssa. So thankful we got to spend a year in college growing on the same wing, and I’ve so enjoyed being able to share your blog with the college girls I’m currently working with. Praying the Lord continues to bless your ministry.

    PS> More on my own crazy year!! http://agoodcrisis.wordpress.com/2013/03/20/a-good-crisis/

  26. I’m only 19, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with anxiety. It’s something that has kept me from doing so much and I regret letting it have that power. I’ve never openly talked about it because I feel embarrassed by it. I’m a youth leader and I hate telling the kids “Don’t worry, trust God,” when I am unable to do that myself.

    About three weeks ago, my family was hit with some really difficult stuff. Things that were out of our control kept going wrong and I can say that I have never felt this broken. In all of this though, I have had to trust God because there is literally nothing I, or anyone else can do about it. I only wish I had learned this sooner. When I was constantly worrying about these things happening, I was setting myself up to be completely shattered when it actually happened.

    I’m still free-falling. My life is still messy but even though things are hard, I now have nothing left to do but rely on Jesus. I’m oddly grateful for that. I really couldn’t tell you that I understand why any of the things we’re going through are happening but I can tell you that if they hadn’t, I never would have trusted God in this way.

    Sorry this is really long!

  27. My name is Tawny and I am 22 years old. Since my junior year of high school, I always struggled with thoughts of the future. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? How am I going to get there? Who am I going to be? My original plan was to get a full-ride basketball scholarship to a university, but my junior year is when I became injured and could no longer play. This is when the depression kicked in. I had lost my sense of direction and life-purpose and didn’t feel like there were any other options. Shortly after that, I started learning how to play the guitar and was able to play and sing for worship at church and the depression gradually started to fade. I dropped out of community college after my freshman year because I was still struggling with my life plans. I ended up getting burned by the church I was going to at the time, and left on my terms. And then the depression came back. I ended up turning away from God and turning to alcohol for comfort. When I drank, and it became frequently, I would drink until I forgot everything completely. Alcohol then made me turn to guys, some who were complete strangers, to find the love and acceptance I had longed for. I realized that in October of 2012, I was no longer the person I wanted to be and I had no idea still of who I wanted to be. I was lonely, depressed and angry with God. One night, I felt so alone, I cried out to God, “What do you want from me? I’ve tried doing things Your way, but I’ve only been let down. What do you want me to do?” A few days later, I had remembered bumping into one of my old high school friends a few months before at a birthday party. He was talking with someone about Young Life and then said, “You should come some time.” I shrugged it off and never thought anything of it until that day, a few days after crying out to God. It was a Tuesday night and I felt God say to me, “Go.” So I went. I was so nervous, not really knowing anyone but when I got there, my friend greeted me and introduced me to one of his other friends who then took me around and made me feel included. College Weekend, a YL camp for college students was going to take place less than two weeks from then and I had no intention of going, especially with a bunch of strangers who’s named I didn’t really remember and thought they didn’t remember mine. I got a text the week before College Weekend, one from the girl I met on the first night, and one from my friend from high school’s girl friend. Both of them being so persistent with me and basically not giving me a choice to go to camp, but saying, “You’re going and you’re in my cabin.” That weekend changed my life. I came to terms with my bitterness, anger and frustration. I realized then that I had a problem with alcohol and didn’t drink for the right reasons. I realized that I drank not only to forget things in the present, but also to forget things from my past that haunt me. The girls that I shared a cabin with at College Weekend have changed my life. They are the friends I always wanted but was sure that didn’t exist. They weren’t judgemental and they loved me regardless of my flaws. About two months ago, God’s voice became clearer than I’ve ever heard Him. He was telling me not to be afraid, to have faith and to go. So, come September, I will be quitting my job that I don’t love nor am I passionate about it l, and I’ll be moving to Los Angeles. God is calling me there to be His hands and feet, to love on victims of sex-trafficking. Do to my own personal reasons, I have such a heart for young girls who have been taken advantage of and I feel as if these girls need to know that they are not broken and used. God wants to heal their brokenness, make them new and use them to light a fire in this world. He is loves them so much and has mercy and grace for them, and they need to know that. I’d be lying if I said that I’m not scared, because I am. But I am just trying my best to be obedient to God’s will for my life. It was never about me, and it’s never going to be. This isn’t my life, this is His life for Him to do with me what He pleases. And I’m following Him.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony Tawny. Wow- so awesome! So excited for this new adventure you’re on!

  28. About three years ago I started my walk with the Lord, and I was struggling with fear, and panic attacks almost daily. Me and my husband and are three children started going to cell group (bible study) with friends of ours and when I was having bad attacks I would prey quietly in the front seat on our way home. This one time I will never forget, I was asking the Lord to allow a human being to tell me that everything was going to be ok. not even a second later my 6year old son which was 4 at the time said MOM I HEARD SOMETHING!! I said ok what was it? He said everything is going to be ok, GOD wanted me to tell you that. WOW!!! I thought this is real. God is near and listening also he answers. I struggle with uncertainty and frustration and feel like my life is a mess all the time. Recently I have felt far from God and I know that the Lord is there waiting for me to come back to him.
    Thank you for the time to share my struggles and Thank you for your encouragement.
    Great Blessings
    Latoya

  29. In the past, I had doubted the Lord so much that for the longest time I feared I had fallen away for the worst, too far to be forgiven. Sometimes this fear rises back up, and my first reaction is to fix it myself, which never works, and to trust God with this has always been very difficult, but so freeing. As time has gone on, I have fallen many more times, backslidden, drifted, and let God down more times than I could say, but each and every time, he remains constantly faithful, loving, with open arms of endless mercy! Falling terrifies me, but to free fall into the Savior’s hands is the most powerful, humbling, difficult, yet most freeing of falls, knowing you won’t hit the ground!

  30. I love your blog. You are so uplifting and God shines through your words. I REALLY needed this today. Going through a very dark period of life and been focusing on my feelings and not on Christ. Thank you for your words of God. Bless you!!

  31. Struggles with body image around freshman year in high school captured my mind and started me on a downward spiral. This spiral resulted in an intensive inpatient treatment center called Remuda Ranch where I struggled to recover from bulimia a disorder that had become my identity. Years of therapy and a new identity in Christ has brought much peace, love, and beauty to my spirit. I am a new creation God has delivered me from the chains of bondage to this terrible disorder.

    I don’t think about my past as much anymore, unless I’m thinking about just how great our God is and what he rescued me from because, I don’t ever want to succumb to sin like that a again.

    No path to Jesus, to freedom is perfect though, as we humans are imperfect. Daily I try to catch those negative thoughts and counter them with truth, sometimes they slip through though, sometimes I believe them and sometimes I think about running back. Our God is sovereign though and each time he shows me his love his strength his caring and unconditionally he pursues me. My heart is always warmed and my eyes and drawn back to him.

  32. Freefall
    I would say I didn’t have an individual freefall, but a group freefall.
    We are a family of 7 members. I am the second one of 5 children. on June of last year my dad, who was the only working to support our family lost his job. We were renting a three bedroom apartment, which we weren’t even able to afford anymore.
    I’m a college student, saw myself desperate, anxious, dissapointed, and with no strength.
    I remember looking at us in a summer afternoon packing our stuff with nowhere to go, because we were asked to leave the apartment in a two week period.
    At that time, I was emotionally tired and “didn’t have time” to put my faith in Jesus. But He was looking over us.

    It’s been almost year since that happen. Things haven’t change much from the outside. My family is living with my sister in a 2 bedroom apartment. In total 8 people living there.
    I was forced to moved out. I found a job which is an hour away from where my family is staying. I’m renting a room, and tried to help my family as much as I can.

    Even though things haven’t change a whole lot from the outside, things have definitely change inside of each member of my family. We are sure, that God is with us through this tough times, and that He will always be. We know He is in control. We know He is aware of each of our needs and that He has a perfect timing for everything.
    We thank Him each and every day for His mercy, for His presence, His love for us.

  33. hello alyssa! this was pure joy reading. god recently spoke to me and told me to open my heart up more to him. i havent lately. im a victim of spiritual warfare. i recently became divorce, i have no family in my life that i can get emotional support from. but i believe that even if we have no one, god is all we need. i am raising my 3 children on my own. the best way that i can too. its a daily struggle especially since im raising them spiritually. but we all know there is spiritual warfare. but im strong in my faith and i know that with god i can overcome this obstacle. ive suffered so much that i surrendered to him then shortly after got saved. so i suffered. i surrendered. i got saved. the 3 s’s that saved my life and my family foundation. god is my refuge. and im still on my journey to becoming the woman, the mother that he has called me to be. i have 3 lil angels that are looking up to me. i have to continue to let his light shine through me!

  34. Hi Alyssa!!
    I have had many free-falls, but one of the hardest and worst was in 2006. I had re-dedicated my life to Jesus in Feb. of 2004 so I was growing but still a lot things had to be worked out. I was very weak and buying into the lies of Satan about my identity, my worth, my appearance and just everything about me because he really wanted to destroy me. I do admit I was very self conscious and focused too much on my self, but he only took advantage of all my weak points. In the summer of 2006 I got spiritually attacked and I also became aware that I had been severely depressed and didn’t even know it. Which now makes sense why I was crying every night and so withdrawn from my family and people in general. I had been dealing with thoughts of worthlessness, that I was nothing, and that no body loved me, that I was ugly and many negative thoughts so at this point this was the major fall. I had been extremely shy, fearful and insecure as well. So in the summer of 2006 I experienced the worst attacks like thinking I was going to die and go to hell, not being sure of my salvation, that God did not love me…I was barely eating and sleeping and even was tempted by Satan to commit suicide several times. The Holy Spirit thankfully armed my family especially my mom and sister and they were there for me through it all to pray for me, they stayed up with me, took me to get prayed over and never let me out their sight knowing that I was suicidal…this was truly the hand of God. One thing I do remember every time I thought and tried to suicide myself..there was something inside me that told me it was wrong. Also, in those times of hopelessness and doubt I remember a little bit of hope like a little light inside of me that told me to hold on and that God was good and that He would help me through this. It was what kept me going, what kept me trying to read the word even though it didn’t make sense and could not get anything out of it, what kept me listening to worship music and just trusting deep inside. I know that was the Holy Spirit!! I was delivered from the spiritual forces that were oppressing me in that same year, I was healed emotionally starting with the fact that I had not had a good relationship with my mom and more my dad and I forgave them and asked them to forgive me in tears. From then on God started working in me slowly but surely. He tenderly and gently started healing me from the inside out. He began to take my fears away, He began to restore my relationships, He began to reassure me that I was and am His forever. He began to remove the lies I had believed about myself and replaced them with His amazing loving truth that I am His beautiful princess and that He has never left me, and will never leave me. I am no longer depressed but am full of joy and passion for Jesus. I have told a few people about my story and people can’t believe I was a sad, depressed, negative, fearful, shy and suicidal person because I am completely the opposite. Jesus has filled me with His love and has revealed so much of how much He loves me each day. He was all that I needed and desperately need and am so thankful that He has shown me this and He has exceeded my expectations. I never thought I would be the person I am today so full of life and hope. He has healed me spiritually, emotionally, and physically and has done so much that I will be forever thankful. He has truly transformed my life and I know only He has done this. He is my everything and nothing shakes me now because my confidence and satisfaction is in HIM and only HIM. He is beyond amazing!!!
    here’s a verse that has become my life verse because of what I’ve gone through: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 nkjv

  35. My free fall has been going on for a little over a year now. In 2012, God spoke into my life a guy that I recently had been talking too. Things ended peacefully but I knew that it wasn’t the end for me and that guy. I could feel it. At the beginning of 2012 God showed me that I was to wait for this guy…wait to date him and wait to marry him. While some call it crazy and tell me I should just “sign up for harmony” I call it God and I know that He has something big in store for this wait. So while Im still going through my free fall and I have those moments of “what if, when, why God, will this waiting ever be over?” I know that God is right there beside me and He won’t let me fall.

    Thanks for your constant reminder of love, hope, and faith!

  36. Hi Alyssa, thank you so much for your post! Your blog is such an encouragement and blessing in my life.

    I feel like starting university turned my whole life into a freefall and struggle to fix my eyes solely on Jesus instead of my emotions, my university work, relationships, etc. But I think that’s the beauty of God. I’ve begun to learn that I don’t have to look like I’m put together or have everything perfect in my life; I can rest in Him and rely on His strength instead of my own. I can relinquish all control over to Him because I know He looks after me far better than anyone else could.

  37. When I was in high school, my parents were going through a very difficult time, and I felt that I couldn’t even turn to God.

    So I turned to a boy.

    A boy who took advantage of me, made me feel worthless, and treated me like trash.

    I finally got to the point where I couldn’t even recognize myself. I accepted my defeat, realizing I would forever be trapped by this guy. I would forever be worthless. I would forever be drowning in quicksand.

    That is, until God stepped in. He encountered me while I was driving from his house one day, and played me the sweetest of songs, reminding me that His hands were holding me, that He was by my side, and that this relationship was toxic to me. He invited me to trust Him.

    Long story short, I got away from that guy. But I think the hardest part was dealing with my self-worth afterwards. I still saw myself as used goods, good for nothing, the list goes ON. I couldn’t get my mind out of that sinking hole.

    But He could. I remember falling asleep every night crying my eyes about, and yet God’s voice whispered sweet nothings into my ear. “You are worthy of my love.” “I made you in my image.” “Don’t be embarrassed, I have washed you clean.”

    “I love you.”

    And the rest I guess they say, is history. Although the enemy still LOVES to attack me in this area of my life, I have the armor of God around me, shielding me and protecting me. Even when I do slip, feel like I’m falling, failing, He is SO quick to grab my hand and pull me right back up, to encourage me. Whether it’s a song, a friend, or His own voice-I rest in His love, and overcome through His strength.

  38. My name is Ashley and my free-fall started November of last year, when my god-fearing boyfriend and I broke up {typical, right?}. It was through this time that I learned (and am still learning) about God’s endless pursuit of me, how my identity is solely set in Him, His mercy, kindness, and unconditional love. After the break up I was surrounded by community but didn’t feel it or take advantage of it at all. That was a huge growth time for me to learn how God gives us community for a reason and to share and lift us up but we must first be honest with that community in order for us to grow. Through that experience I have the two best friends a girl could ever ask for. I am truly blessed. A few months go by and I am given the opportunity to lead a High School Village (small group) at my church. My first thought is, “God, I’m not equipped for this. I’m still a mess, why did you give this to me?” But he answered my prayers by using this experience to bring me to a camp, and to lead the high schoolers in Pullman, WA. The quote has then changed my perception of how God places unclear, unwelcome situations in our lives for us to overcome and wholeheartedly trust him. I’ve grown so much in the last year through getting to know Jesus and His love for the people, encouraging and inspiring me to love and live like Him. This is no easy task, but I’m learning and blessed. A sophomore girl I disciple each week since this last semester just told me today she wants to get baptized. The beautiful truth that God is working through me brings me so much joy and fulfillment, but mainly thinking the whole time that me thinking what I’m doing, saying, etc. doesn’t make a difference just proves how powerful our great God is and how He can use anyone for His good. God is good. And I am blessed.

    Me entering this drawing isn’t going to be for me though. I have a friend (another high schooler) who is free-falling hard right now. She is so tempted to choose sin over Jesus but the hard thing is that she knows Jesus, and she knows what’s right, she just can’t surrender her all to God. I won’t be with her this summer and she feels as if she is falling into a depression again. I know this book will help her greatly and I want to provide her other means of encouragement while I am gone for the summer. She is a beautiful daughter of God that just doesn’t “get” how much she is worth. I’m trying and praying that she does, but I would also love for her to have this book.

    Thank you for your blog posts, Alyssa! You are truly, truly a remarkable workmanship of God’s goodness and overpowering love. It is so encouraging to see Him work through you with your writing and life. You are an amazing, beautiful daughter of God and your heart is worth more than rubies. 🙂 Thank you for sharing so much with your readers. You are such a blessing.

  39. This comment won’t give nearly enough of the story…but I am in my freshman year of college and first, I had to surrender my choice for college and go to a state school 3 hours from home. Right when I felt like I had landed on my feet from that, I felt the Lord telling me to do something even more crazy – spend the summer in Africa! I have no idea what is in store, but I know He will be there to catch me 🙂

  40. Hi Alyssa!
    I’ve been going through a freefall as well lately ):

    I’ve noticed how easy it is we can take our eyes off of the Lord. Lately, I’ve been stuck in this rut of where to go or mainly what I want to do in my life. Instead of giving my concern to God I placed the burden and worry on myself. By doing that, I’ve been overwhelmed and depressed dealing with lies such as “you’re nothing” “you have no purpose” “mistake” “you aren’t going no where”

    I allowed myself to take in those lies. How foolish am I? God created me perfectly in His sight. He has me engraved on the back of his palm. He promised hope and a future! God gave us an identity! All good things come to those who trust the Lord. Instead of putting my trust in the Lord, I’ve noticed how off track I can get. Even though I might think I’m not where I’m suppose to be, God does. He holds me above the waters, He never lets me drown. He knows my every need and all I hear Him say is, “Rest, beloved. Cast all your worries to me. Give me your burdens. I can handle them because nothing is impossible for me. Trust me, child. Everything will be fine.”

  41. This post really touched me, it’s crazy how you come across things exactly when you need them or when God wants you to find them. I needed this! I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression lately, something that is new to me. I’ve always been the type whom in a stressful situation I could keep calm and say “pray about it”. People at work say, “you have it all together” but in reality I am a MESS! I found myself waking up in the middle if the night anxious about bills, work, going back to school, house work etc. I would cry about anything and everything! I found myself becoming my mom, whom fell into a deep depression when I was young and passed away of an overdose when I was 16. That was when I began to freefall. Somehow I made it out of that and have a successful career as a nurse, a Godly husband, just purchased our first home but something is missing……my faith. Somehow in the hustle and bustle of life I have fallen and my faith has grown foggy. I cry at night and sit in front of my bible and ask how? Why? My husband says for Me to put it all in God’s hands, but many times I have felt as though I am a burden to God, something I use to never feel. I get so panicked about things now when I use to have the “what’s meant to be will happen” attitude. I cry out to Jesus every day begging for his forgiveness and help out of this dark hole that I have fallen in. I carry around verses with me like Matthew 6:34 and Philippians 4:6 as constant reminders that I don’t have to always be in control that I need to let go and let God, I just need a little help. Please say a quick prayer for me that I find peace with myself and my faith in Jesus. He’s brought me through storms that many thought would’ve drowned me and I am forever thankful for his love.

  42. In 2010 I was an inactive believer of Christ. I knew he existed, however, I was not living my life for or with him. I was trying to find solutions to our problems instead of looking to Him for answers and guidance.

    However, God brought me to my knees in November of 2010. I was pregnant with twins but had lost one of the babies. As you can imagine, it was heartbreaking.

    Then one month later, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 26.

    We had to talk about decisions and what-if’s that no couple our age would even contemplate discussing.

    But there we were…talking about the worse case scenario when I finally broke down to my lowest point and realized I could not solve this on my own!

    So I prayed.

    Then we prayed.

    And today, my husband is still living with his brain tumor, closely monitored by a neurologist, but doing fine, just as I had prayed!
    Although we lost one child, (I will one day reunite with) he blessed us with a healthy baby boy despite the odds of surviving, just as I had asked Him.

    And although three children was not on my life list, He had other plans and blessed us with a third child.

    Today we both have a relationship with Christ and he continues to listen to us each and every moment of our lives.

    Thank you for the hosting this giveaway!

  43. Alyssa,

    I have spent my entire life seeking significance in anything but Christ. I have has serial relationships, never taking the time to heal from one to the next. I sought happiness and self worth in having a man in my life and I watched relationship after relationship fail.

    I finally accepted Christ as my savior at the age of 33 and have spent the last 3 year years learning that my significance is found in Him. Even after I was saved my marriage fell by the wayside, I’m not sure I understand it but the last year that we have been apart I have really learned to rely solely on Christ. I have learned that in Him I have fullness, joy, peace and most of all I have self worth. Psalm 139 has been my light as I worked my way through the worst year of my life. I am so grateful that he knew all my faults before I did, that he knew everything I was going to go through and that he is and will forever be by my side or carrying me if I can’t make it on my own.

    Thank you for your words and the time you spend encouraging others. I love coming here and reading what you have to say.

    Blessings,
    Dawn

  44. Before I got to your blog I said to myself I hope God thru Alyssa gives me a word of encouragement but even if I dont see it or read it tonite on her blog its fine I’ll keep pressing on( bt I really needed it!) I felt myself freefalling and felt it the most after I spoke to someone I felt I shoudnt have talked to. Thats because when I do I feel like no one would be able to reconcile me Tebogo- child of God and the Tebogo who was on the fone!!! I thot Im such a mess Lord, inbetween having to discipline myself to study joining worship band and dealing with some of the incompetencies I was showing through the practice sessions and trusting God for something and talking about it like its nothing Im trusting God for..Like this aint even the half of it!! ‘Lord I feel like Im slipping into a dark place and Im afraid you might never find me in if I do’-deep sigh! ‘Why am I like this Lord’ Im so weak! I felt truly discouraged and still do a little but I know its not by power or might but by His spirit that this too shall pass!

  45. Alyssa, I am just in awe right now at this blog because right now I am in that messy situation. I don’t know how it happened but I am desperate for Jesus. Just like Laura put it so well (in the comments below), I seem as if I “don’t have time to put my faith in Jesus.” I went through exactly what you did, just took my eyes off Jesus. But today I am saying I am done and I want my eyes back on Jesus. My savior, my everything. I just need prayer because I do struggle with the sin of laziness and it is so hard for me. I hope this made sense because I just wrote down everything on my mind. Thank you so much Alyssa for this blog and I’m so thankful to God to put it on your heart. May God bless you!!!

  46. i would love to read this book. depression and anxiety are something that i currently struggle with, so i would love to read the author’s experience with it.
    my freefall is most certainly giving my depression and anxiety to God. i continually struggle with laying these burdens down at His feet. i know that God is my only hope, but find myself too often focusing on me, and not Him and His plan for my life. such a beautiful plan, if only i would completely surrender and let God take the reigns. what keeps me knowing is that God is my defender and can help through any battle, and i preach this to myself daily. He sure is good, isn’t He?

  47. Wow, this is exactly what I’ve been going through. I’ve just been having a constant battle with discouragement. It’s really hard to stay strong when everything around is falling apart.

    But Jesus constantly reminds me to lay everything at His feet and to cast all my care on HIM!

    Thanks for the encouragement!
    “This one thing you must remember; This one thing you must know; I cannot take your burden. Until you let it go.”

  48. Hello Alyssa 😀

    I’m 18 years old and I’m in college. I’m the eldest in a family of 5 children. Even if my dad was always there physically, but he was never really with us mentally. He is distant, indirect and he doesn’t show any type of affection, even if he probably loves us. I think that’s one of the reasons why I always tried to put my own identity in man. My entire life, since I was just a kid, I always wanted to get married, to have a boyfriend because I thought I would be happier.

    I grew up in a « Christian » family, but my parents were not living in the love of Christ. So we would go to church Sunday morning and come back home and live life for ourselves. Even if I believed in God and knew that He was in control of our world, I was still a sinner and I didn’t know what I was doing to myself.

    I probably had more than 12 crushes in my life. Every guy that was in my sight, I had a crush on them. I would dream and fantasize about them day and night thinking that I was in love and everything, that we would get married one day, but I was only killing myself. All that was just a lie. I didn’t even know I was making myself suffer so much and I went through so much confusion.

    I never learned anything about God and His purpose until I was 15 years old. A wonderful woman from my church community came to my house one day. She lived far away, but she just wanted to visit her brothers and sisters in Christ. At first when my siblings and I met that woman, we thought she was talking too much and was asking a loads of questions!

    But that summer, she invited us at her house and we stayed there for 2 weeks. I learned so much about God and His love for me. I was so amazed of that woman and how happy she was with her life in Christ. She is just full of joy, eager of God’s word, loving and kind. After those 2 weeks, I went to a Christian camp for the first time and I met a lot of wonderful people.
    After camp, we spent another week at her house, but then, I had to go back home and go back to school.

    I was so eager of God’s word. I could spend hours reading and studying the Bible. After two or three months, I went back to my own ways, but at the same time it was the moment when God taught me about His truth and His word. I learned so much in those couple of months compared to my entire life!

    The summer after, I went back to camp again and I was so happy and loved God so much: I got baptized at 16 years old.

    Now, I’m living my life in Christ, trying to learn the truth, falling and coming back again, praying, crying so much. But I know it’s all worth it. God is able, He is mighty to save. A lot of times, I’m justing look at myself. Sometimes I’m just so ashamed and feel like God cannot forgive me. But He is greater than my sins! I can only bear fruits if I abide in the Lord Jesus Christ, that’s what He said. And I want to live, I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. I wan tot do great things in the name of Jesus Christ.

    God taught me the truth and I now know that I can only be satisfied, I can only find love in the Lord. Today, I still struggle even if I know the truth. But now I realized and I promised myself that I will never get married until God send someone, until I truly believe and trust in my Saviour. Marriage and boyfriends are just not that important anymore, God is. I can bear being a single woman.
    In God’s timing, it will come.

    Take Care.

    [email protected]

  49. My whole life, I have been blessed by a family that has a strong relationship with Christ, and my parents have always been good influences for my brother and I. We were put into church from birth, and always involved with other church families. We had nightly devotionals together every night growing up.
    I started dealing with depression at the age of 16, when I began an unhealthy relationship that lasted for a few months. After that emotional low, I stabilized and started pursuing a relationship with Christ again. However, I then went away to college, and started doubting Him all over again. I began putting things of this world over every single other thing in my life, including my family.
    Fast-forward 4 years, I am now 22. I have been free-falling for months, stuck on a dangerous path of alcoholism and dependency issues. Then, I hit rock bottom. I was arrested for a DUI. This spun me into a deep depression that I knew I could not handle alone. The following Sunday, my pastor, Robby Gallaty, preached his message: “Changed.” He talked of his substance abuse issues, addictions, and dangerous lifestyle. And through all of this, after everything he went through, Christ still loved him, and saved him.
    During that service, I realized, I’m not alone. I am never alone. God is sovereign, God is omniscient, and God is a perfect God. The only way for me to get out of this hole is to trust in His plan, and set my sights upon Him. My eyes were opened to the deception of things of this world. I am now 17 days sober, and know that it is only by the saving grace of Jesus Christ. I am beautiful, because I am created in His image. I have been disciplined as God works in me to transform my life into one that reflects him.

    Thank you for this post, it’s been a hard day, and it was much needed.

    Delaney Still

  50. Hi Alyssa,
    I’ve been learning the same lesson these past few weeks too. Last night He reminded me what a privilege it is to worship the King, that our God REIGNS. I don’t need to control my circumstances but instead let Him be who He is! It’s such a pleasure to spend time this King. Thank you Jesus.

    Thanks for sharing:)

  51. As the end of my junior year of college draws to a close, “free fall” describes this year perfectly.

    I started this school year living the “sorority lifestyle,” being a slave to an eating disorder, and worshipping my very broken boyfriend.

    Over the past six months God has radically transformed my life. He’s shattered my perception of Him & given me an identity.

    My free fall has included, starting a ministry in the Greek community at my university, taking a leap of faith by beginning treatment for anorexia nervosa, and a very hurtful breakup.

    When I look back on this school year, it is easily the most painful year of my life, but also the most beautiful. God has walked me through my darkest days this year & I would do it all again 1000 times if it means getting to know the lover of my soul a little better. The Lord saved me this year. There is no turning back.

  52. Thank you for sharing Alyssa! 🙂

    Starting university for me was challenging. I found the work load, living in a new place, meeting new people overwhelming. Although most people feel this way when experiencing change, I felt completely bound by anxiety and worry in everything I did. It was not until I surrendered my fear to Christ that true peace came. This peace surpassed all understanding and provided me with courage that I know did not come from my own strength. Having just finished my last exams for the semester I can truly say God is always reaching out to us,we can take refuge in Him. As the summer starts and I will be starting a new job, new worries and stresses have been consuming my thoughts lately.Knowing true peace and courage comes from Christ I agree in that we need to remind ourselves that in each moment,however hard it may be, to rely in His strength because he loves us.

  53. Hi Alyssa,

    Your posts are truly uplifting and inspired by God. Thank you for sharing your heart. That is not an easy thing to do!

    My free fall happened after Highschool when I was choked and weighed down by my past sin and regret. I would read the Bible and would say to myself, “God could never forgive me for the things I have done!” So I went a little while longer in my free fall carrying around self doubt, worry and lies. I moved off to college and met my best girl friend who showed me God’s unconditional love and His forgiveness that had been waiting for me to give myself to Him. The past few years I have been slowly but surely learning how to fly. I am getting to know the God of the Bible and not the God of the world or even the God that is often sugar coated in church. I am learning to have a real relationship with Him and to truly know Him. I do occasionally dip down into a free fall and will surely be in one from time to time but then I remind myself that I can fly and I can feel Him guiding me through.

    Thank you for your heart & honesty,
    Rachel <3

  54. Hmm…I think I want to share how the Lord brought me out because that is where I’m at right now. I’m in a place where I’m choosing to believe that how my life is right now is how it is supposed to be. Walking in the confidence that I lack nothing! That He is sovereign over it ALL! That I am loved by Him and that He withholds no good gift! It’s an amazing place to be, but it’s been a fight. To choose to cling to truth instead of wallowing in lies. I am 27 years old, single, and currently in seminary. Is my life how I would want it, NO! Is it how it’s supposed to be yes! This past year I have questioned the calling on my life more times than I can count. I have wondered when it would be my time to meet the man that God has for me. Even when life was good, such as great times with friends, ministry opportunities. I would get smacked in the face with loneliness, doubt, jealousy & insecurity, and FEAR! I used to stay there and let the enemy have a field day in my mind. BUT GOD! Through prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit He began to teach me that I have a choice. I can choose to allow my emotions to get the best of me or I can cling to His truth. So I started clinging to His truth. I started thanking Him for the moments that I would have with friends and whenever I found myself alone I would rejoice in the fact that Jesus wanted me all to Himself in that moment. Whenever I would have opportunities to pray for people or speak at events. I would enjoy them in the moment and when they were over I would rejoice in the fact that when He has something for me to do, it will come. Honestly typing doesn’t do this season of my life justice! God has been sooooo faithful. He was with me in the “freefall” and He is with me during my time of “flying”. During my season of freefalling it drew me to my knees which is where I found my strength to fly! To top it all off He has allowed me to pass on what I’ve learned to others that He has brought into my life. It’s been amazing to witness my other sisters and brothers receive their “ah-ha” moments. Where they realize that they too have a choice. That they can fix their eyes on Jesus and find hope and encouragement that He will see them through. That He will do more than we could ever ask, think, or imagine. That He will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. When you are “flying” by choosing to cling to His truth, you are able to recognize when the enemy is tryna come in and you can SHUT. HIM. DOWN. Truth trumps Lies always. It’s a beautiful thing when God’s beloved’s realize that the victory is in their hands and all they have to do is grab on to it!!!

    I love your blog sis! Praying that God will continue to do great and mighty things through you and your husband’s ministry

    [email protected] is the best email address to contact if I’m selected to win!

  55. Hi Alyssa,
    I always keep up with your post because you always tend to hit the spot on my heart when I needed it.. Today I was actually feeling a bit down and upset and just so tired. Then i remembered seeing you post something on Facebook so i decided to check out your blog. Thank God I did! I can see how I was slowly taking my eyes off Christ and focusing on materialistic things on this earth..
    My free-fall story happened about three or four years ago. It all started when I was born with hearing aids. Growing up with hearing aids and going to elementary school, I struggled with having friends and being extremely shy. Then in middle and high school i began putting my hair down, feeling like as long as they dont see the hearing aids they will treat me “normal”. well when I was about 13 I repented and gave my life to Christ and my life was changed. about two years later I was soaring high with Christ and got baptized and serving our amazing Father.
    I am not the only one to have hearing aids.. Its in the family, my father has them and so do quite a bit of my relatives. My mother told me that there is a man that they called to come to america and pray over us to heal our ears because he had healed a girl in Russia who was bound to a wheelchair and then she could walk. Oh, I was so excited. I would pray and fast about it and I became so consumed that this is what God would want for us. He would heal me and so many of us that were hard of hearing. Especially the little cousins, so they wouldn’t have to go through what i did. The man came and prayed over every one of us that had bad hearing. Towards the end of the day, nothing happened. So everyday I woke up thinking that i would wake up, hearing like everyone else. I wanted it so bad. Everyday that i woke up and nothing happened, so i started being mad at the God who created me the way he thinks is perfect. I eventually stopped praying and slowly was not seeking the Father.
    While i was angry with the Lord i was still reading the Bible. With every scripture i believe the Lord brought me back to Him and i started serving Him and loving him more. Today, I am in love with our Heavenly Father and want to learn so much. Though, I still struggle with prayer. I pray throughout the day but getting in the habit to get on my knees and spending time with Him before my day begins or when it ends. I still need to remind myself.. I’ve gotten better but I still struggle with my hearing aids every once in a while. Sometimes its a hourly reminder that God has made me the way I am for a reason. That it is a blessing in disguise. Well, that was tough to say online but I hope you understood the main idea. Thank you for taking the time to read about my trials.
    Thank you so much for your encouragement and inspiration. I look forward to seeing more of your blog post. May God continue to bless you in all that you do for others!

  56. Hi Alyssa,
    I’m in my freshman year of college and it has been a year of free falling for me. Last year I was really involved in ministry and had a great community of Christians that always uplifted me and helped me strive to grow closer with them. I was truly happy. Once I went off to college I tried to get involved in the Christian organizations on campus but for some reason I felt out of place and never became more than acquaintances with the Christians on campus. I know longer have the constant encouragement from my friends at home. And my new friends I have made here are really nice people that care about me, but they also care about drinking and partying just as much. I have fallen head first into this new world and everything has seemed to spiral out of control. I try to grow closer to God but without fellowship it seems impossible. I want to stop drinking but once the weekend comes around it seems like I have no choice. Every single one of my friends at college drinks, all the time. I feel like I have two choices: go to the parties or sit in my dorm alone all night. I of course, always choose the parties. I desperately want to get back to the life I had before but the parties have become so exciting I fear that I may never be able to walk away from them. I am in a complete free fall praying that God will change my heart and someday surround me, once again, with Christian community. I know without God that I will never be able to stop drinking, but I also feel too ashamed by it to turn to Him.

  57. FREEFALLING as we speak. I’m a 33 year old single mother of two boys ages 16 and 11. Yes I started really young. I fully surrendered to Christ about 2 years ago now. and ive had such a hard life growing up. I left their father about ten years ago and haven’t really had a long term relationship since. I was in college most of the time and worked. Now that I have finished college and started my career. I feel like I have missed so much of my boys lives. They have told me things lately about my job and all the time I take away from them. Money is still tight and I work long hours just to support them. I’m still single after all these years and I pray for The Lord to bring me the right man and for the most part Im content with just me and my boys. But just recently a friend of mine announced her wedding and I’m very happy for her but honestly can’t help but feel sad because I’m still alone. Some people have told me gods waiting for me to raise my kids but honestly I never pictured myself being a single mom. It’s hard and I’m extremely tired. Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep at night. I even have to take drives so my boys don’t see cry and worry. Thank you for your post they are so encouraging and honesty melt my heart! I pray for you and your hubby your both so awesome! God bless!

    1. I was 19 when my first child was born, and I was a single mother trying to date, work two jobs, and put myself through college. I remember having a mental breakdown in front my good friend and being the great christian she is, she prayed for me…and I prayed…just as I am sure you are doing now, for a loving spouse.

      Then one month later while taking my then three year old trick or treating, I knocked on my future husband’s door…
      fast forward six months later and I was walking down the isle at 23 y/o. We’ve been married for nearly eight years.

      I have no doubt that God hears your cries. I will pray for you! Keep your chin up!

      “Psalm 56:8 says that God keeps our tears in a bottle. I find great comfort in believing that He is close enough and cares enough to catch every one I have shed. Maybe from that container of His love, God tenderly refills the oceans of our souls after we’ve cried them dry.” –A quote from a beautiful offering:

  58. My freefall journey is on the way. This new season of my life, being in college, has awakened me to a lot of the realities of this world. I thought I was strong coming in, but I had no idea about the constant tug the world does. I always thought my life was between being a boring, miserable Christian who does the right thing, or a heathen sinner who does what ever they want and isn’t miserable but living a life apart from God. When I chose the “sin free” route I found myself in so much unhappiness that I finally decided to give the other world a try. God has been breaking me from these bondages of what life is supposed to look like, and focusing on just being with Him. I’m still in a weird limbo of not knowing what is really going on, but I’m learning every day to find joy in where I am at while still being connected to my heavenly Father 🙂

    Thank you for this blog by the way!

  59. Free-falling and still in it but God definitely showed up in the midst of it all.

    Today, As I sat on my couch ready to spend time and with the Lord, with eyes closed listening to praise and worship music..my phone goes off..it was a text from chase bank. There it was, a deduction of $131 from my account but I only had $3.31 in my account..I completely forgot that this deduction from my account would be coming soon. I sat there completely dumbfounded and paralyzed by this huge deduction and overdraft fee to come. Feeling like a total failure. I closed my eyes determined to continue to worship and not worry but I could feel the rush of anxiety come from the pit of my stomach up to my face..I immediately turned off the music and began to pray..I asked God to forgive me for being so selfish and not being a good steward of what he has entrusted me with and I gave him all of my cares and worries. I was instantly frustrated because my finances is an area I keep messing up with and totally free-falling. But I heavenly father is soo good and gracious, he brought me to this word:

    Luke 6:47-49 (NLT)
    47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the flood waters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

    I realized I wasn’t building my life on the one true rock because what I was turning to was myself and I allowed myself to get ruined. We hear all the time..our life, our time, our money is not our own, it all belongs to God and my decisions were not based on that truth because I carelessly spent away not aware that I had this deduction coming up.
    I asked myself “Are you building your life on the one true rock?”…its time to do so. I can pray all I want for my finances to get better but if I don’t make a change towards that, change wont happen. If I give God nothing to work with, nothing will work out. His word says “he works all things out for good of those who love him” True love for God leads us to obey him.
    I suddenly heard my heavenly fathers voice “Noraima, come to me with every decision and I will show you the way, if you follow me in every way you will always rest secure”. He is sooo faithful to lead us and guide us because he loves us and wants the absolute BEST for us. My finances is an area where I know I will always mess up if I don’t lean on God for his help and strength but today he showed me that no matter how messy I am, how terrible I am at handling his money, he is still there to pick me up and lovingly guide me and teach me, He has shown me today how faithful is and how he will always be on my side but I must listen and follow his ways.
    Sidenote: This all happened today, what an on time word for me. As I finish this up, I still have this overdraft in my account, and refuse to look at it because Im focusing on Gods goodness lol.
    [email protected]

  60. Wow! This was amazing. Thank you for sharing!

  61. Please Alyssa, may i have the book?

    I have been on a journey now with god for almost 17 years in my 21 year life. But through this there have been bouts of depression and anxiety due to my family situation. Thankfully, as a teenager, God was there and helped me through a significant moment when my heart was in a ruined state. Last year After sharing this testimony at a christian camp, a girl asked me ‘do you still experience depression now’. I felt a complete tumbling sensation inside my head, as i suddenly realised that what i had been experiencing that year, and during my time at university, was in fact those same symptoms resurfacing. I firmly believe God has been there for me this whole journey, and now as a 21 year old he is leading me to seek my own person- the individuality he has given me, which i have been allowed to be buried within the framework of anxiety. The lord has led me to an amazing counsellor who is helping me to unpack and understand the internal struggles going on inside me, but at the same time, it is still a struggle, still coming to terms with what has happened and who i am. Most of all, i am looking forward to this journey of embracing who christ is and what he actually thinks from me, apart from my family’s influence on my idea of who god is.

    Thanks for being so wonderfully courageous in sharing your own story with us, it really truly helps to speak God’s word into dark and scary places inside all of us.

    Much love,

    Sarah

  62. Well… my “free fall” is pretty much in progress as we speak lol. It is the patience to find a husband… for single Christian girls in early-late 20’s out there you all can relate. The thing is most of us we feel that most of life is in our hands, I mean education, friendships, hobbies, family life, religion we can do these things alone but finding a guy is the hardest thing ever lol and it requires another person to make it work. Yes, friendships and family life are also with other people but it’s easy to deal with family most of the time because those are people we are given by God and friends are just that “friends” no real responsibility, they don’t live with you, you are not “joining souls” with them so to speak. With a spouse you hope to find him on the first try and not end up in a divorce like the majority of the world today. So it’s one of those things that you really see God’s miracle when you literally find your match from Heaven. Waiting for the perfect timing/green light from God is comforting but also requires a lot of patience. I know that my free will is to make this 100% God’s will and I know God will do things that I cannot do alone, but still the struggle of waiting is there.

  63. Hi Alyssa,
    A lady from my Church sent me a link to your blog a couple months ago just to encourage me during the stress from college and just life in general. I can’t tell you how much it helped me reading your posts. They are always so encouraging and I get so much from them. I’ve kept up with your posts ever since then. My boyfriend and I broke up and took a month apart to just grow in our relationships with the Lord. Things got amazing after that between us, but then my insecurities swept right back in and have caused us to fight recently. I have many insecurities about myself and fears of being abandoned and not loved. I’m going to start getting discipled to help me with letting go and giving it all to God. I think that Freefall to Fly will be a great read for me. I always get down on myself because I feel like I’m always falling, but it sounds like it shows the ups of falling. Thank you for your blog, it’s amazing!
    Blessings.

  64. Hi Alyssa,
    I haven’t read her book, but I look forward to it. I have personally experienced massive lows in my life ranging from physical, emotional, mental and sexual abuse, depression, suicide, solo-parenting….really the list is long and I’m getting slightly depressed just reading this LOL. Fact is, traumatic circumstances and hardship in this day and age have almost become the norm, BUT thank God for people who are not afraid to share their victorious stories about how God brought them through. Even I’ve launched a website doing exactly this – simply out of love and obedience to this principle. Testimonies are amazing tools to help us make sense of things, and I loved reading all the comments above. (Thank you ladies!)

    The thoughts and impressions you have shared Alyssa, have got me considering things from a day to day perspective. I’ve often wondered (and I could be wrong) if “falling” is sometimes a strategy God uses to;
    a) Catch our attention (because lets face it, our attention span varies on a day to day basis)
    b) Remind us who is in control (because again lets face it, we humans have control freak tendencies) and
    c) Extract praise and worship from our broken hearts. (Because when we hit rock bottom, He is the one who scoops us up and shows us what Love really looks like).

    There is a deep, unprecedented expression of thankfulness that arises when we are faced with that kind of love and grace. We become more aware of Him and lean on Him harder. It teaches us, or reminds us – who we are to Him.

    Imagine if we could reach that level of comprehension and state of being without having to free fall or hit rock bottom. Is it possible? Is it possible to be desperate for God when all is well in our lives? Imagine that.
    Personally, this is something I have decided to work on in myself. You can never appreciate God too much – its keeping that day to day consistency that is the real challenge! Life will continue to happen…but I believe your perspective determines your reality.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts. Appreciate what you and your husband bring to us all. You speak a lost language that people are crying out for. Bless ya

  65. I needed this so much today! Thank you for the reminded that God is still God and from him comes overwhelming peace! I am a freshman in college. The last few months have felt like a complete downward spirl. About 4 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and I had a complete sense of loss. I didn’t know what to do with my life if he wasn’t in it. I called out to God and searched for him. We know what happens when we search, we will find him :). I fell in love with the Lord all over again and have been discovering my identity in him. He has been teaching me that I am single right now for a reason. Not only did a break up with my boyfriend but I have been struggling with having a godly friend at school that has the same spirtual maturity that I do. I thought I had found a couple at the beginning of the year but as I have grown stronger they have grown weaker in their relationships with Christ. I know that this gives me a great opportunity to show them Jesus and encourage them but it has left me feeling completely alone. The last month I have been calling out to God and trying to be completely dependent on him. I am not out of the freefall yet but I think it is coming to an end. Through all of this he has been teaching me that true satisfaction and joy only comes through him not through anything else. Thank you for all of your encouraging words, God is truely working through you!

  66. My freefall happened last September. I was at the highest point in my life spiritually! I had never been closer to God, and I was right in the center of his will. All of a sudden Satan decided to start attacking me. I started getting super scared and freaked out about the future. I had panic attacks about college and just the rest of my life. For a whole week I couldn’t even function properly, and for two months I was constantly depressed. For a little bit I turned away from God, because I was afraid to trust him. I knew all I had to do to get out of this funk was release my need to control everything, but I couldn’t. Thankfully a lot of Christian women in my life helped me and encouraged me to get through it.

  67. I was in ministry, physically living in a place that trains up missionaries and sends them out to all the world 24/7. I had gone through the schools also, and God had freed me and given me people to disciple me. I had never known the freedom from the haunting of what I had done with others until God started showing me His truth and the lies of the enemy. Fast forward a year and a half, and I was now a staff member and not a student. I let the isolation of my job get to the core of me and slowly but surely I fell back into my “not God designed ways” again with another person. I fell back into believing God wouldn’t give me good gifts, God didn’t love me or see me, and He couldn’t pick me up out of my mess. I woke up each day with the hole in my heart burning with emptiness, but also a massive weight seemed to be attached to it.

    A month and a half after everything had started, I couldn’t handle it any longer, I knew I HAD to bring this situation to the light. I had to give up this relationship, I had to give up every part of it and cut ties. My mentor, a beautiful woman of God, didn’t hate me because of what I had done. In fact, NO ONE did. People continued to love me and the vulnerability I now had strengthened my true friendships instead of what keeping the secrets had done to them.

    While this has all happened within the past year, I can say God is doing mighty things. He says I am an overcomer, and through Him, I AM. He has done the supernatural on the outside and the inside. And the fact that He isn’t stopping the pursuit of me blows my mind, in fact in the midst of everything He was still mightily showing me that He loved me deeply. Do I have it all together now? No, and that is when I say, BUT GOD. God is renewing, redeeming, restoring this sweet girl. When I start believing the same lies over and over, He is always taking my hand and reminding me of His truth. He sets us free.

    [email protected]

  68. Hey Alyssa,

    First I’d like to say that your posts are so encouraging! Thank you for being so open and honest to complete strangers across the world!

    My story started back when I was 15. My dad was the worship leader of a huge church in South Jersey – 1 Saturday night service and 3 Sunday services. We were heavily involved in ministry. I grew up surrounded by church friends and family and it was great. My parents were happily married, going on vacations frequently and out to dinner in the city all the time. I had a wonderful house with three acres and loved everything about it.

    When I was 15 my dad told us that he was moving out. I didn’t know why, but he told me it wasn’t permanent. Six months later he sent the divorce papers. I didn’t understand..I knew that my mom and I had our fights (as teenage girls do with their mothers) but I never saw my parents fight.

    So my parents got divorced and my dad blamed it on martial unfaithfulness (apparently when I was three my mom cheated on my dad — but he forgave her, my mom repented, they went through counseling, and then they went on their merry way like nothing ever happened.) Everyone knew it happened besides me.. I grew up thinking my parents had the perfect marriage.

    My dad remarried 6 months after the divorce was final. To someone that was our family “church” friend. She sang on stage with my dad on the worship team. She was my moms friend.

    So this really shook me. I turned to boys, popularity, and really ANYTHING that I could think of. I turned completely from God. I hated the church, I hated God. In high school I turned into a crazy party animal, drinking, drugs, boys. I just wanted to be popular. And I was, but it wasn’t enough. After high school I went to a county college and got a fake ID. After realizing that going to bars wasn’t fun anymore. I started to back off of it and stopped hanging out with my friends because I hated who I was and hated what I was doing with my life.

    It is only by the grace of God that I write this saying and knowing that I am completely redeemed by my Savior. I had some pretty awesome people in my life that lived life with me, was there for me, (and probably prayed for me..a lot). I realized that God had never left my side, he was there the whole time –I only needed to reach out to him.

    I would say my life did a total 180 and much has changed, but One thing hasn’t. God’s abounding, faithful, and pursing love has never, ever ceased.

    My cousins brought me out to a bible study on a Tuesday night 3 years ago. Who would have thought that it was change so much. Jesus picked me up, transformed my life, and has continued to use me to further His kingdom.

    3 years later I am no co-leading this bible study with my husband (who I actually MET at this bible study). It went from 10-15 kids coming out to 50. We are so blown away from what God has done in our lives and the lives around us.

    The story of redemption became alive to me. I cannot believe how I became so blessed. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I’ve been given a husband that shows me God’s love every day. I felt so undeserving. So unworthy. Jesus CAN and DOES pick up the fallen. I don’t know why we (I) still doubt His power and ability when I have seen it first hand in my own life.

    Unworthy, but loved anyway.

    -Tori

  69. Great post Alyssa!

    Freefall.

    I have felt like I have been freefalling for the last month or so.
    I am wrapping up my final year of university [woot!], but trying to find a job has been my main focus which has caused a lot of stress.
    Everyone around me kept telling me prior to this, that I was bound to get a job quickly, because of my summer job experiences in my field of education [nursing], and great references. I am still without a job, but I keep hearing more and more of my friends getting jobs. This has lead me to feelings of: lost hope, jealously, anxiety and stress.
    I honestly feel like I have done everything I possibly can do: hand in my resumes to all the local hospitals, follow-up calls, and pray to God. After more and more prayer, and talking to my mom, I have began to believe that God has ALL of this under control, and he will open up doors in his time. Maybe I will get a job at the hospital I have been hoping for; Maybe a position I have never considered before will open up somewhere else; maybe God will call me to work in USA or another country.
    Your post “Peace, beloved”, has helped my as well, and reminded me not to stress about the situation, but look to God. “And the truth is that God is in control. He is mighty. He is able”.

  70. Freefall to Fly
    Growing up in a Christian household made it seem like life always was perfect from the outside. Throughout my early years I was very involved in church always sitting down in the first row of our youth retreats. At age 17 slowly I started drifting away hanging out with the wrong crowd. This is when I made the biggest mistake in my life: fell in love with a guy that had a different upbringing from my own Christian one. I thought that being friends with him would not hurt anybody. Soon enough I gave myself physically and mentally to this guy something that I completely regret to this day. Our relationship seemed so ideal. When I was with him everything seemed so perfect and normal. However, a voice inside me constantly told me to get away, to run as fast as I could and never come back. Months went by and I felt so miserable because I was living a double life. I knew what I was doing was completely wrong before God’s eyes but I had no idea how to get out. I remember coming home, locking myself in my room, kneeling down my bed, and crying my heart out to God. I knew I was sinning. I was ashamed of myself. There were times I no longer wanted to live. I had disappointed my family and myself. I had done everything wrong from what I had been taught all my life. Daily I would pick up my bible and read a scripture. It was like a part of me still had some hope. I knew I no longer wanted to live like that so I decided to take a trip to the youth church convention. I saw this as my last resort. Go far away and commit myself completely to my God. I was completely devastated as I thought there was no hope for me. It was during the last service that I surrendered completely and gave myself completely to God. I received the Holy Ghost, something so beautiful that I had never experienced before. I spoke a language that was not known to me. I felt such great peace and joy I knew that God had given me a second chance. To this day, I am so grateful to know that the God Almighty that I know never gives up on us. No matter how many times we fail and turn our back on Him, He always remains faithful. He is my savior and my rock. If it wasn’t for Him I really don’t know where I would be at this moment. I owe Him everything. He has changed me and made me new again!

  71. I am falling, knowing that Jesus is there to catch me before I hit. My dad whom I have a very strained relationship with has just moved in with my husband and I (3 days ago) He is an alcoholic who has found himself without a job or a place to live. We have taken him in because…. well… you simply can’t let your own father be homeless. I am nervous of how this will all go, and it is a constant struggle each day to let the Lord lead me. I am falling, but I know that my Saviour is there with open arms ready to catch me.

  72. I love this post…such a great reminder that God will uphold us even when we’re a mess. Amen!

    I’ve struggled with anxiety and fear for the last few years. The Lord has done a great work in my life, but there is still healing to be done. I often feel like I’m falling, and struggle to trust that He will uphold me. In those moments of panic, it’s tempting to despair and easy to feel abandoned. I’m preaching Scripture to myself daily, reminding myself that He is near even when it’s a huge struggle to sense His presence.

  73. My free fall has been all over the place! Always being a Christian, I didn’t even know i was falling until i fell about as deep as the grand canyon! I will TRY to keep this as short as I can for you! The very beginning of it was when I gave my everything to a boy at 17 (sounds cliche right?)- the result of that: I dropped out of high school, began drinking, and ended up physically, mentally and sexually abused. I suffered for years after that with alcoholism, self hate, and anorexia, wondering why the Lord would ever let His child go through it. That’s a very long story- but eventually, God saved me from all of that, even though I blamed Him, and never even asked Him to save me. But did I give Him the glory? No. So i continued to fall. More drinking. Never went back to finish high school. Didn’t go to college. At 22, my mommy passed away after an 8 year battle with cancer, and i became lost. After constantly worrying about HER future for 8 years, I realized that I had no future. No plan. No job. A suspended drivers license. No meaning. My family and “friends” constantly judged me for not having a future, and I believed them. for 5 years, starting when i was 18, i was very depressed because of my mistake of leaving high school. I didn’t think I stood a chance in the world. I thought I was failure and that I had let myself, my family, and worst of all God down. Shortly after my mom died, I married my unchristian boyfriend and we moved across the country (he’s in the air force). everything worked out perfectly! the wedding fell together in the short time of one month- this was definitely God’s plan for me! I have finally been delivered of my troubles because I went back to church! WRONG! hello becky, where were you for the 15 years of christian schooling you had?!?!?! unequal yokes= BAD! haha. My life away from home was not what i expected it to be. My best friend, my sister, the person who knows me better than I know myself, of 20 years decided she didn’t want me in her life anymore. My husbands only friend, our best man, tragically died. I had no friends at all, no job, no car (because the hubby needed it for work), no place to go, and my husband started hurting me in every way. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Constant fighting. Never peace. No way to get home. More anorexia. The worst anxiety you could ever imagine. I could no longer leave my house. I feared my life constantly. So what now? Does it get much lower than this? Terrified, starving, alone. I would do daily Bible Studies, but that didn’t work. What was I doing wrong? Would God punish me for my mistakes for the rest of my life?

    Well, one night my anxiety got so bad that I decided to ask for help. So I messaged you, Alyssa. 🙂 responding the NEXT MORNING (God bless you), you recommended Ann Voskamp for me. I got the 1000 Gifts Devotional. Now, this wouldn’t have worked had I not actually been ready. But i prayed and told God i was finally surrendering to Him. I told Him I could not do anything by myself. I told Him He was in charge and I wanted Him to work through me and in me and take hold of every single part of my life. I learned how to thank Him, how to truly seek Him. I learned how to hear His sweet voice in many different ways.

    Amazing what prayer can do. In 2 weeks, TWO WEEKS, God delivered me of my anorexia. My basically 5 year long battle with the disease, He cured in two weeks. He revealed truth after truth after truth to me: He never changes, I need to be vulnerable with Him, He is BIGGER than any problem we face, He LOVES me more than any words could ever describe. He showed me that He is able. That He can take me from any position I’m in and use me. That He is FAITHFUL. Oh, how faithful our Lord is. Even though I’m all alone, in a tiny apartment with NO outside communication, He has spoken to my friends back home through me. It was when He began to do that, that I realized how much I wanted Him to use me. That I love teaching His Word. That I love helping others. He fixed my relationship. He changed my husbands heart completely. He is still not a Christian, but i am working on that every single day.

    and now, only a few months after that prayer, at 24 years old, I know that I want to live for God and learn more about Him constantly. He showed me that I do have a future. He will take me anywhere He wants me. God is so much bigger than the fact that I don’t have a diploma. That doesn’t matter to Him. He loves me anyway. He loves all of us anyway. He constantly pursues me, even when I don’t pursue Him and He has given me an unbelievable desire, an addiction, for Him. He gave me a love for reading, especially the Bible, which I ALWAYS hated to do.

    I guess all in all, the Lord showed me that through every struggle, big or small- from my cats annoying me to holding my mom’s, my guidance, my everything’s hand and watching her breathe her very last breath- He will always be faithful to pursue me, deliver me, and give me REAL living hope.

    With Him, anything is possible. Like me winning this book. 😉 okay just kidding! But thanks for letting us share our stories Alyssa, and God bless whoever gets this book. I know and am praying that He will speak to you and pick whoever He will speak to through it the most.

    email: [email protected]

    The verse God used to speak to me through all of this is Philippians 4:6-8.
    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praise worthy- think about such things.”

    and when I say “spoke” this verse to me.. I mean God shoved it up my nose 5 million times until I finally got the hint!! <3

  74. Hi Alyssa,

    Thank you for sharing. I did to had a falling moment for the last couple of weeks. I was taking off my focus on the prize, off my Jesus and looking at my own insecurities, and not letting God have the victory. I was getting discouraged about my image and everything else that was happening. I don’t need the book but i just wanted to share my testimony at how powerfully God comes through. Whilst feeling this , at work this week, this guy that i was in love with ( my biggest crush) in high school came into my store and i hadn’t seen him in year but saw his sister once in a while as we see each other at church events. He didn’t quite remember me and i had to confirm my name to him and he remembered me. For whatever reason that was he came into my store i know that was God appointed, because he no longer goes to church anymore and i never was in church in high school. His sister private messaged me on facebook straight after he left my store, and said for whatever reason that was for he came into your today may God bless it..and only God knows why and she just reminded me that the woman who i have become and the woman God is creating me to be. After that i felt so encouraged and reminded me of my purpose in this world. Is that God made me for a purpose.

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