To Pursue or Not to Pursue a Guy You Like?

2d2090a28b2464b4e3d455a18834f547“If you’re a girl who likes your guy friend, is it okay to pursue him and let him know you like him?”

The question shone on our computer from stage. The room was dark, with hot lights shining on Jeff and me. My hand grasped my bible a little closer to my chest.

Ah, yes.

Oh how I remember those days (they weren’t that long ago!) of liking a guy so much my body ached. But the hardest part was that they were clueless. Or maybe they weren’t clueless, but simply weren’t interested in me? How many times I was tempted to ask them to coffee and quietly explain how much I liked them. How many hours I spent trying to analyze him and our friendship. How many times I prayed about the situation, gave my heart and desires to the Lord, prayed for that guy, and hoped that he would see me, want me, come after me.

Yes, I remember those times vividly. What do you do when you like a guy and want it to be known…So desperately?

Thankfully Jeff started answering the question first as I gathered my thoughts and let the Lord calm my nerves.

“Let me first say this ladies: if you pursue the guy first, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life if you do get married. The guy will play the lazy card, and gladly let you take the reigns—forever. And you’ll be miserable. You’ll have to initiate everything else from here on out. But let me add this: You shouldn’t pursue him, no. But you can get in his way. Get in his way so that he sees you and has to run you over. He has to face you and knows you’re there. What does that look like practically? Maybe it means being at his games, going to bible studies that he’s involved in, sitting next to him in class, etc.”

Wise man.

As I thought about what to add, the Lord reminded me of 1 Peter 3:4,

“but let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

A gentle and quiet spirit. That doesn’t mean that we have to be quiet little church mice! God loves exuberant, outgoing ladies just as much as the soft spoken ones! What it does mean is that we as women trust the Lord. It means that we so trust in, believe in, hide ourselves in Him that we don’t try to take matters into our own hands and take control. As women that’s really hard because one of the things we struggle with most is taking control. But we are commanded throughout scripture not to, and we don’t need to. We have Jesus as our advocate, the Father as our shield and the One we can hide in. He is trustworthy.

What it comes down to is this,

Do we really believe that He is in control? That He is able?

Do we really believe that if it’s God’s best, He can and will move in that guy’s heart to see us, and go after us?

Proverbs 21:1 tells us that the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord- that the Lord directs it wherever He chooses. If the king’s heart is in our Father’s hands, then most certainly that guy that we are crushing on is in His hands as well.

Ladies, God is able. God is in control.

Praise Jesus, then, that we can rest in Him. We can run to JESUS. We can tell him our deep desires, lay our hearts at His feet, and trust that He will work it out for His glory and our best.

Yes, put yourself in his way! Be available, be present. But check your heart. Do you believe in HIM? The One who knows every nook and cranny of your heart and is intricately and intimately working out His plan for you, dear one?

 “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will act.” || Psalm 37:5 ESV



  1. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. I am amazaed of how great and perfectGod´s timing is. AllI needed was to read this and many other messages from your blog.

    Thank you so very much. May God keep using you and your husband to reach lives and hearts. Your words and messages are a great part of my healing process.

    Thank you Alyssa. I can see Jesus through your life.

    Many blessings,


  2. If you could only understand how encouraged I was by this! I have recently been thinking about how the major area in my life where I struggle with control is when it comes to relationships! Thanks for your insight! Praying for you!

  3. Loved this! Just what I needed to here. I’m in college and really want a relationship. I’ve made a promise though to myself and God that I will stop pursuing guys and be pursued from now on. Please pray for me!

  4. I think i have the “being in control problem”. yes i admit i never pursue and i do what i can to be in his way, but once we’re in a relationship, i constantly take control. i attempt to initiate conversation (not very good at it) and when they initiate conversation, i don’t respond very well … it’s horrible. i wish i can just be quite enough and humble… and trust in God’s hands that i’d know what to say. i never know what to say… and i hate it… pray for me <3

  5. Appreciate the reminder and tip from Jeff, I’m a control freak lol especially when it comes to relationships gets worse as I get older, but so appreciate this advice never thought of it this way we are women and are meant to be pursued reading this had made me realize my need to rest in Him and His timing and to keep my heart in check with His word, praying that you & Jeff continue to be used by God to reach others


  6. Thanks for your encouragement and insight. Really nice read and description was so accurate.
    What spoke to me most was,”But we are commanded throughout scripture not to and we do not need to.”
    I definitely agree with that, the holy spirit revealed the same thing to me.
    May God continue to bless you and your lovely family.

  7. Thank you for this! I’ve had this question burning in my heart for weeks! This is incredibly helpful, so thank you!

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