My good friend Jeff Cherry wrote a blog today about singleness. If you find yourself in this season of singleness, check it out here: The Purpose of Singleness. Thank you Jeff for your heart, wisdom and pointing it all back to Jesus.
Although many people would say that I wasn’t single very long considering I got married at 25, I remember vividly being in that season and having it seem like f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
“When Lord? When will I get asked out? When will a guy like me? When will I have my chance at love? When will I meet my husband?”
I wish I could say that I walked through the season of singleness with a heart full of hope, bursting with thankfulness to God and embracing every moment for His sake. Some seasons, yes. Some seasons I loved being single. Some seasons I was totally content and satisfied with it just being Jesus and me.
But often, I fought to be content. I fought to be thankful. I wondered why. I wondered when. I was bitter. I was fearful—Has God forgotten me? Does he see me?
And through a heart breaking summer, I found that yes, He sees me. Yes, He knows my very heart, my every longing and desire and hope. He did not forget me. And He has not forgotten you beloved. He is for your joy. He is for your good and His glory. God is always at work in our lives—we may not know how, we may not understand—but we must believe.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Is. 55:9
God is for you. If you are in a season of singleness right now, know—believe—trust that God has you there because it’s for your best. It wouldn’t be best for you right now to be with someone. As Jeff Cherry said, maybe He’s refining you and purging you of a sin that needs to be dealt with before you bring someone into your world. Maybe it’s because He wants you to truly trust Him and build a solid foundation with Him first. Maybe it’s because He is using you in a mighty way that couldn’t be done if you were married right now….
I see all 3 of those while I was single. There was a lot of pruning to be done in my life for sure! One big one being that I needed to be healed and restored in how I viewed myself. I had an eating disorder for many years because I wanted to be in control and fell into the lie that I had to be skinny to be beautiful. No. God wanted to purge me of that and bring me into wholeness; to see that I am created in His image and therefore need to be a good steward of how I take care of my body. To know that I am beautiful because He created me, because He died for me—He gives me worth, not a boyfriend or husband. The Lord brought me through the valley and mountaintops of waiting well on Him—of truly trusting Him with His choice for me. Did I really believe in His Fatherly care for me? In His mighty power? In His ability and wisdom? And I was able to do awesome things that I can’t now as a married woman: College. Studying abroad in Israel. Traveling through Europe. Mission trip to South Africa. Intern in Maui. Living with awesome girls. Late night ice cream runs. Sleepovers in the living room.
According to statics, most likely you will get married.
But more importantly, take HOPE that God knows your heart.
He sees you.
He is for you.
Run into His arms and nestle yourself right into His chest. Think of your life as a ball of yarn. Pull out just a few inches…that’s your single season. Short. Oh so short compared to the rest. You can wait. In Him. And beloved, remember that our yarn goes to eternity. Our lives here on earth are very short. Soon, we will be with the Lover of our Souls, our Husband in Heaven, scarfing down food at the wedding feast. Soon we will be with our True Love. The One who pursued us, proposed to us on the cross and has given us His Holy Spirit as our engagement ring. He’s coming back. We don’t know when. But He is coming to get us. On a white horse, no less!
Take hope. He is for you. Wait well beloved.
Do you find it hard to wait while single? What helps you wait well?
I’m really struggling with this at the moment. I know that God loves me, but I find that I’m feeling so hurt right now in my singless. I’m not feeling any joy, it’s only hurt. I had a crush on a guy in church for a while. Only to find out that he’s been dating someone all this time and he proposed to her last weekend. I don’t want to feel hurt or envy, I WANT to be happy for people but I just keep thinking that God is ignoring me or that there is something wrong with me that I can’t see. My friends are getting married and have found someone and all I can think is, when is it my turn Lord? I’m so scared that he’s not going to come and that I’m going to be the last one to get married and that people will think that there’s something wrong with me because I am single.
It really hurts so bad, I’ve cried so many tears and I feel hopeless.
the Lord wants you to know that He knows what you’re going through and He wants to give you beauty instead of ashes.
I believe our loving Heavenly Father wants to give you someone much much better than the previous guy you liked.
For He shall do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can or think!
I also have friends who are struggling with this like you so you’re not alone dear.
God who freely gave up His beloved Son, Jesus for us, He will not withhold any good from you sister!
Let Him continue to pour out His perfect and unconditional love for you, His heart was broken at the cross so that yours can be made whole=)
You’re so precious to Daddy God, I pray that His unfailing love shall surround you all the days of your life!
This is very similar to me in my situation right now… It’s frustrating seeing most of your close friends in church, non christian friends with girlfriends. Seeing them so happy and all that. Even my best friend in church has a girlfriend. And it’s just so hard for me to understand. Why can i be that happy? Why do i have to wait while others have awesome relationships?!. And im like, here… Still waiting. I pray, and pray and pray. But it’s just hard, very hard. All I want is to be happy like everybody else. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, witch is worse.
I´m in a quite similar situation like you. I also never had a girlfriend before, well I´m only 20 years old, but anyway it´s hard, of course. You wrote “All I want is to be happy like everybody else”. Makes sence, who doesn´t wan´t that, but let me give you an advice: Don´t let your happiness depend on something you may loose, even it´s a girlfriend.
Do you know that you are loved more than you will ever know? (I mean, really! Are you sure about that?) Do you know that, in Christ, you have found something, millions of people in the whole world are looking for?
Our heavenly father knows us better, than we know ourselves. He knows that you never had a girlfriend, that you may be a bit shy concerning this topic or talking to girls, and yes, he also knows what kind of girls you like, he knows better than you, if you´re seeing a girl and you find her attractive, god knows, talk about her with him, he´s not a destroyer of dreams, but a keeper, he just want´s your best! Do you truly, truly believe that?
I know it´s hard, dealing with loneliness, I know how you feel, I´m also praying for my future wife, in my homechurch, on some days it´s like everybody has a partner but ,me!! 😉
if you´d like to talk, just write me: [email protected]
Sleep easy bro! 🙂
In regards to your “All I want is to be happy like everybody else”, I honestly tell you that being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee you true happiness. Yes, you can be happy for awhile during the first stages of the r/s, but subsequently as the passion dies off, it will just be the 2 of you working together to make the relationship work. That’s why love is a decision, not a feeling! God’s plans for your life is different from your friends, the reason why you’re waiting for so long is cus He has someone even better in store for you!
God loves you so much not to bring the wrong person into your life, you can trust Him, He has your best interest at heart:)
By the grace of God I have enjoyed every bit of my singleness. Opportunities to spend time with people and to grow in my relationship with the Lord has been an adventure. I know He is sovereign and cares for his children. Why should we fear? “Perfect love cast out fear” 1 John 4:18. It hit me more that singleness is a great gift when I started taking care of my friends’ children. Boy! Was that work in itself. I knew then, I need to embrace my singleness until the Lord provides me a husband who will minister with me.
This may sound sweet, but it has been difficult because the majority of my friends are married which leaves me with no friend to just call and hang out with. Majority of my friends are married and have been growing their family. Since I am not on that stage in life, our interest and needs are not the same. With that, I have been trying to work out my own adventures on my own which can be lonely. Continuing to grow in trusting that God is there and He knows my heart.
Your personal identity is how you see yourself. When I see myself, I see a girl with a “single” sign in bold written across her forehead. Not only did I see myself as single, but I thought when everyone else looked at me, they also saw me with this sign written across my forehead. With many of my friends focused on their significant other, I have found it difficult to not look at myself as someone who was insignificant. Many people talk of finding their identity in Christ, and yet still find their worth and value from what they do. My worth and value to others wasn’t very significant because I didn’t have a special someone. I was constantly looking around wondering which guy was for me. But is that really how I should see myself or what I should be doing? I began to hear the phrase “You should find your identity in Christ.” But what does that mean..to find you identity in Christ? What can I do each day to not focus on being single, especially with all the relationships around me? How can I find my Identity in Christ and be happy? When we have passion for God’s kingdom and his work, we forget about what we do not have. Our perspective is shifted from ourselves to God and filling his kingdom with people. I think that is how we find our Identity in Christ. We shift our perspective from ourselves to God’s kingdom and focus on what our job here on earth is. When I do this, I no longer see myself as the girl with the word “single” written across her forehead. I see myself with the sign “God’s Daughter” now written across my forehead. I no longer worry about being single because that may be the best way I will be able to reach out to people.
Thanks so much for your post. I’m praying that God will change my heart too.
Hi, I’m an eighteen year old girl. I’ve had my fair share of relationships, some good and one really bad one. He claimed to be a true christian, we’d pray together, and such, I truly fell for him. I thought he was the one. I ended up losing myself to him. To this day it kills me thinking back on it I wasn’t “In love” , it was lust. He even convinced me that it was okay to smoke weed and that it was in the bible and that God said to do it, I mean how gullible was I? So I came home one night after smoking with him, went straight to my room and locked my room. Right away my mom knew something was up, banged on my door to open up, she asked me if I was high of course I said no.. But if smoking weed was for God then why would I have to lie about it? I started to cry, so did my mom. That’s when I knew he and isn’t “the one”. I texted him a few days later telling him I needed a break and weeks passed he blew up my phone one day cussing me out and my family and friends that’s when I knew I wanted him out of my life completely. I have been single for almost a year now. So, now that I told you that.. I have this hunger and I think I will always have this. A love and hope for love. I hate being single, I see my sister happily married to her husband with 3 beautiful boys and another on the way and I know i’m still young but I want that. I want an amazing relationship surrounded by Gods love, but I have a problem. If I see any sign of a guys affection or any of that sort I open up to them thinking maybe they’re the one but then I end up getting hurt. Maybe I just open up too easily? I just truly struggle with being single. And some times I stay up at night worried that God doesn’t have a man planned out for me.. I just wish he would send him my way already. But it’s all in Gods time so i’m trusting and believing in HIM.
I’m twenty and I struggle with the fears of being single sometimes. But it’s not singleness that truly bothers me, it’s loneliness. So many of my christian friends come from amazing families and spend a lot of time with them, whereas I’m five states away from my family and most of my time is spend alone. It’s hard to not desire a husband just so I can have a family here. But what keeps me joyful and strong is knowing that heaven is going to be better. All my loneliness will fade. Jesus created my heart so he knows how to fill it and he gladly will one day in Heaven. I keep praying for the Lord to do his will in me and unweave eternal beauty in my heart through the pain but it really is hard sometimes. For anyone else that struggles, I reccomend reading psalms. It is such a relief to see David go through the worst of loneliness and singleness and rejection yet he still belived in God’s steadfast love.
About two months ago I was in a relationship with a guy whom I thought full filled my every desire. He was a preacher and he loved the lord. He brought me closer to the lord every single day and encouraged me. But while I thought he was everything I needed. We were unequally yoked at that time. I loved the lord but was not where he was. When we broke up he just felt like it truly was not gods will for us to marry. He had said that he felt our relationship was only for a season to bring us closer on our walk with the lord and to give me a new perspective and understanding. I found hope in the lord and strength during that relationship. Since it has ended I have struggled with self worth and identity in Christ. I have found that the deeper I dig in to scripture and prayer the more joy I feel and the less pain I feel from the breakup. I also have found that at times Christ calls us to a sacrifice of joy and a thankful heart even in the valley even in the loneliness. Our hope is found in Christ and Christ alone because he knows our desire and our hearts. But he is also a jealous god who wants every part of us and wants us to seek fullness in him and contentment in him before bringing that person forth. So I guess to end with I’ll just say that in Christ alone all hope is found and to seek it anywhere else is just sinking sand that will last but for a moment not a life time.
Hello, I am a 20 year old girl who has never been in a relationship before. Everytime when I had a chance to be in one, everything just slipped away.
It’s true that sometimes I feel content about my single season but most of time I would feel anxious. I have two sisters who got married with 2 great guys. I see my friends got into relationships. And I was like God when will my turn be? Where is he? Will he come to get me?
Recently, I got a chance to be in a relationship. I like the guy, but whenever I ask God the answers seems to be always ‘No’. And just like always everything just slipped away. Then I realized I have always been an emotionally unstable person. That I was never ready for relationship. I became bitter.
And this article is so great that it helps me get through my situation. It makes me positive. If the guy I like wasn’t the one, how great is the one that God’s preparing for me. Just thinking about it motivates me a lot. I pray, pray and pray that God is molding me to be ready for the one. So when he came into my life and pursue me, I would be ready to walk by his side together in path God has provide. Amen
i was struggling with self image also, and eating disorder problems (maybe im still am) your blog give me strength and courage to find my own beauty in Him, not based on what my perception of beauty is, and im thankful because of that reminder.. God Bless
I struggle with an eating disorder as well… its hard.. so hard.. because I seem to think that I can stop any time I want to.. but ive struggled off and on with it for 7 years. Every time I throw up I say its the last time.. and it never is.