There is one thing that can save every relationship and marriage. That one thing is intentionality. Most marriages I know (including my own) start to drag or get stale or get hurt, the minute the two people in the relationship stop being intentional.
And when I say intentional, I specifically mean the little things. Not the huge grand gestures of love (even though are awesome!).
It’s kind of like gardening. For the garden to produce fruit and life and goodness, you have to do the little things every day. You have to take 30 seconds a day to water it. Make sure it’s in the right location. Pull a few weeds from time to time.
And our relationships are like that. If we want to find life and abundance and joy, let’s start cultivating our gardens. Injecting the little moments of fun and service and selflessness back into our relationship.
And one easy way to do that is make Date Night a high priority. And yes I know it’s HARD to make it a priority when there is kids, and bills, and exhaustion, and schedules. But if we really take a step back, what’s more important than rhythmically connecting with our spouse’s heart an enjoying one another?
So Alyssa and I fight for it. And you have to when you have little humans running around and you’re tired. But it’s so worth it.
And I thought I’d share a couple “usuals” we do every time we go on a date night.
- No phones. This one should be a given. But phones away and off the table or out of sight (Alyssa checks hers every so often just to make sure the kids are ok). I usually leave mine in the car. I don’t think we realize how much of a detriment phones and specifically the buzzing and vibrating and dinging is to our marriages.
- Bucket list. So Alyssa and I have a journal with what we call ‘our marriage bucket list.’ And it has a huge list of a ton of things. All very simple little things that we want to do over the next year. It doesn’t have to be big or elaborate it just has to be together. A few examples – baking cookies together, go see concert, ride bikes, go shopping and pick out an outfit for each other, etc.
- Dreams and hearts. One of the things we try to touch on every date night, since there is no kiddos around and you have each other’s full undivided attention, is the other’s hearts and dreams lately. How are they doing? What are they dreaming about? How can I be praying for you? And it opens up such beautiful conversations.
Now you’re like us, you might be saying, this sounds great and all, but what about if we can’t leave the house or find a baby sitter. But the cool part is it doesn’t matter if you go out or stay in, it just matters that you’re together and you’re intentional! Date nights have sometimes included playing board games at home, watching a movie, pitching a tent in the living room (yes we’ve done that! ha) and having a campout. But, another thing we stumbled across that has basically turned out to be the best thing ever is Datebox.
What they do is they send you a box every month (around the 10th of the month) that is a fully curated date in a box! Seriously. It’s amazing. It has EVERYTHING in it you’d need for a fun in home date with your spouse or significant other. For example, some of our personal favorites the past year have been the Christmas box (it was gingerbread house making kit, two mugs, hot cocoa, a Christmas playlist, and few others) as well as the watercolor painting box (it was ingredients to make at home cake pops and two canvases with paint and brushes). It’s SO EPIC and we love it. And the best part? You can try it out totally free. Not joking. Just use the code ‘lovethatlasts’ at getdatebox.com and they’ll send you a FREE one to check it out. PS below are a few pictures.