“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can do with your life. Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.
Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.” Galatians 6:4-8 (msg)
As my friend (and mentor- what do you call those? Frentor?!) and I cozied up under her lanai with our china cups of English tea and shared our hearts, I asked her how she works through her insecurities of writing.
Because the truth is I’ve been plagued by them for a while now.
Doubt. Fear. Excuses. Comparisons. My biggest fear being that I’m not using my gifts that God has given me; I’m just hiding them away and pretending like they don’t exist. It’s too hard. Too scary. It takes vulnerability.
Any art does right? You pour your whole self into it and people can take it or leave it. Like it or hate it. It can resonate with their soul or not touch them at all. Art is the overflow of your heart and when you put that on paper- or whatever you create- the outcome sometimes is unknown. It takes a lot of time. Energy. Courage. And the more vulnerable you are, the more people it touches. But that’s straight up scary!
However, despite my excuses and fears, I can’t shake this deep desire in my heart to write. To share stories and be honest and tell how great my God is. I want to make people laugh, and let them know they are not alone. I want to be a banner of hope that points to our true Hope.
As I shared all of this, my dear friend could completely relate. She’s been there. She faces these same insecurities all the time. But she knows that this is what God has called her to. And when she does it, she loves it. God has used her words to bring so many people to Himself- including me!
The next morning when I woke up I had a text message telling me to spend time in Galatians 6 that morning (the message version) and to ask God what He’s calling me to. Spend time laying down my insecurities to Him. Write it down, make a memorial, so I can look back on the truth again and again.
Satan wants nothing more than to steal us away from the gifts that God has given us. To make us doubt and compare ourselves to others. And I’d been giving into him for so long. Comparing myself with so many. Instead I should be rejoicing over their specific gifting and learning from them. I’ve let my comparisons stop me dead in my tracks. “I’m not as good as so and so. Not as funny. Not as wise. Not as courageous.”
Well KAPOOEY on that! No more. I’m laying those comparisons at His feet and moving forward. A daily surrender. A daily remembering of who God is and who He has called me to be.
God-remembering.
An outpouring of what He has done and is doing. I am His. I am Spoken For. And spoken to give Him praise with my unique gifting.
What is God calling you to today? What is stirring in your heart? What insecurities are stopping you that you need to lay down at His feet?
Ephiesians 2:10 “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Monday, March 16, 2015
I am so thankful for this. I just want to say keep writing and posting your blog because I am being encouraged.
Thank you for being brave and continue to write your thoughts down here. How many girls and women struggle with the same insecurities each day? I feel like spreading your word to every single friend I have so that they may be encouraged by your words and the bible verses as I am. Keep on writing!
This is exactly how I have been feeling a couple of times. I will be lost but then find God again to which would only last for a certain amount of time until He would challenge me and I would have to search.
It’s a endless cycle in a way but I sometimes saw God as being selfish. Having to go through what has happened in my life, I would question him why me and what was the point of that happening.
Then again, I would clear my mind and know that I’m the one being selfish. I possibly have been selfish most of my life when I would deal with things by myself instead of turning to the Lord for guidance and assistance to overcome the pain.
I wish to, however, know and seek my purpose. I feel what I am studying now at university is just for safe keeping when I feel I have more to offer but I don’t know what just yet.
Dear Lord,
Help me to seek and find your face as I feel lost and inadequate.
With love,
Stefanie
thank you for your honesty. Recently I have been going through the same thing as a youth missionary. Fear can be paralyzingly real when it comes to ministering and I completely agree that the enemy can use it against us. But recently I have felt Jesus calling me out of my fear and helping me to walk in the truth of my calling. And as it seems,He is affirming that with the ending verse you quoted.
Thank you so much for using your gift! It’s really wonderful!
This post spoke right to my heart. It’s exactly what I am struggling with. I sense that God is “repurposing my purpose” and I’m kicking and screaming and dragging my feet because I’m comfortable where I am and it’s too scary to change. It’s too scary to take that leap of faith. It’s too scary to think that God may be getting ready to totally uproot my life and change it all. It’s a feeling of wanting to unzip myself and step out and start running. I’m desperate to take a peek at my future, just as long as the “getting there” doesn’t crush me.
Thank you for this. It was no accident that you wrote this today. I love to write and I’ve felt my whole life that I’ve been called to write, but I’ve allowed that truth to stay on the back burner for too long. Yesterday at church, my pastor called forth those who have been called to write and he prayed for us. Last night, I wrote my first blog post in months that I truly felt held meaning to it. Reading your post today has given me confirmation and motivation to set aside my insecurities and my doubts and just practice the talent God has blessed me with.
Love your blogs. Filled with so much love, truth and grace
Love Your heart for God. Such a blessing
Alyssa, you are a wonderful writer. My heart melts every time I read what you have to express to the world. I can tell that you put your heart into writing which makes it all the more amazing to read. Please keep it up because God is truly working through you. You soften my heart to him when I read your writing. <3
Amen!
Yes!!
Thank you for your honesty in your writings. Please continue to push past Satan’s lies and write, write, write!! I come to this blog often looking for updated posts because so often God has used your words to speak to me. So yes, write your heart out, follow where God is leading you and know that you are touching many lives along that way for His glory!