This past Monday I feel like everything that could go wrong, went wrong—silly things that kept adding up until I went crazy. Tears were definitely shed; all I could do was cry out to the Lord and laugh. Nothing horrible happened, just little things that piled up. You know what I’m talking about right?
A literal knot in my hair (where I had to rip out a chunk to remove it! ah!).
Bleached spots on my new shower curtain.
Moldy pumpkin juice on my sleeve.
Stains on my floor that I couldn’t scrub out.
Scratch mark on the floor.
Flour spewing everywhere (that one was slightly humorous)!
Dinner served late.
And you know that water spill I had on the carpet last week? Welp, the carpet was still wet. Fear of moldy carpet sinked in. (no pun intended!)
Then, waking up on Tuesday, our toilet stopped working and I flooded a public restroom! My luggage didn’t fit in the airplane, coffee spilled in our bed, and I had smelly feet (I can’t believe I’m really admitting that one…and no, they weren’t Jeff’s!).
I told Jeff, “Babe, your wife has officially gone crazy. We thought it wouldn’t happen until menopause, but alas, it came early at 25.”
The Lord is teaching me so much lately and really showing me sin in my heart. Since being married, I realized that I desire to be perfect, to have it all together; and that I often look for my identity in my performance. Before, I looked to my job, or often the ministry I was involved in to find my identity, unknowingly. But now being married, I am seeing that transfer to finding my identity in how well I cook, or take care of my husband, or how put together my house is. I want to do it all, and do it perfectly.
I’m so thankful that God is exposing my sin, and the lie I buy into that I am what I do.
I’m not what I do.
Or fail to do.
But rather, I am Christ’s and can rest—in fact am called to rest—in what He already has done. He invites me in. He covers me in the shadow of His wings. He already went to the cross, paid for my sins, and rose again. He defeated my sin. He paid for it with His precious blood. And now I am FREE.
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Instead of putting my hope in what I do, I am called to put my hope in what He already has done. I am Christ’s. His daughter. His wife. His beloved.
Perfect? Not one bit. But growing—and growing is messy. It hurts, we fail, but He is actively at work in us, making us more like His Son.
Jesus freed me. So I don’t have to get stressed, freak out, or fret when things go wrong—whether big, or little like Monday’s events. (Although, I totally did, but I know God is using it to grow me and teach me to turn to Him instead of fretting.)
I’m learning to cling to the truth in Isaiah 33:6:
“And He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.”
God is my rock.
He will be the stability of my craziness.
He has saved me, is sovereign over my days, and He is my true treasure.
What about you? Have you ever felt like this? In what areas of life?